What does this look like? How do I pursue it? It seems I'm not the only one who is experiencing difficulty in trying to figure out how to be assertive on the one hand, yet submissive and gentle on the other.
Sometimes I think that I need to just sit in a corner and shut up. That I should silently concentrate on hiding the Word in my heart, looking up only to smile sweetly from time to time. Ok meditating on God's Word is a constant, but anybody who truly knows me would never describe me as quiet and I'm not sure whether gentle is the first thing that would pop into their head either. I'm too driven, too quick to assume leadership, too ready to offer an opinion.
Perhaps this will help. John Piper's talk on the Ultimate Meaning of Womanhood warns us not to settle for wimpy theology leading to wimpy women.
It is not wimpy to say that God created the universe and governs all things to magnify his own grace in the death of his Son for the salvation of his bride... The ultimate meaning of true womanhood is this: It is a distinctive calling of God to display the glory of his Son in ways that would not be displayed if there were no womanhood.
Therefore, sitting quietly in a corner sounds like a terrible waste. Piper gives examples of assertive women and makes clear that the opposite of wimpy is not a brash, pushy, loud, controlling, sassy, uppity, arrogant Amazon. Oh-kay.
But still nothing of what gentleness looks like practically. Do you know what I think of when I think of gentleness? I think of Snow White singing to little birds perched on her finger and of Kleenex tissues. Women today are not keen on gentleness. It's all about empowerment, independence, flaunting sexuality. Gentleness seems on a par with weakness.
It's not as though gentleness and assertiveness are mutually exclusive. Just because a woman is confident in the promises of God and passionate about them, does not make her loud and pushy. It follows that a woman who is trusting in God and living by his Word, will fully understand her role as a woman and exercise it willingly. That's reassuring.
But why is the idea of gentleness so lost on me?
Hey Chris, you might find it helpful to know that the word translated gentle or meek in 1 Peter 3:4, praus, is word used to describe Jesus in the Gospels:
ReplyDelete"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle [praus] and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Mt 11:28ff)
"Say to Daughter Zion, 'See, your king comes to you, gentle [praus] and riding on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a donkey.'" (Mt 21:5)
(Morever, a word search on "gentle" will pick up epios and epikes, which have similar meanings to praus, and it is helpful to see how they are applied: http://bit.ly/9rS76).
So, I reckon gentleness and meekness are attributes of Christ that all of his disciples are to imitate, and not characteristics we should filter with a "pink & blue" hermeneutic. Not suggesting you were, but I think many do.
My 0.2c on actually living out gentlenes? The men who I think of as gentle and strive to emulate are men who have taken James 1:19 to heart and put it into practice.
Incidentally, Piper's biography on John Newton is very relevant - Newton was a wonderfully tender and gentle man: http://bit.ly/lwtBa. Read the first few paragraphs of his manuscript and you'll see why. I've been tremendously helped by this bio in particular, well worth listening to.
you made me crack into laughter with the idea of 'gentleness' in your mind. The word 'meek' which we discussed about before and concluded is really similarly misconceived...meek implies genuine strength exercised wisely, instead of the common image of a 'meek' mouse. I suspect it's no coincidence that words that convey Christian virtue has slowly been twisted to mean something totally opposite... the devil's good at that.
ReplyDeletegentleness is controlled/restrained power. eg. being kind when you could crush. Jesus was gentle, yet at any moment could rightfully squash us like a bug. takes a strong person to be gentle. it is the weak, ill-disciplined person that cannot control their power.
ReplyDeletei think you've created a false dichotomy in pitting gentleness against assertiveness. in terms of gentleness, think manner and gracious content. you can be assertive AND gentle at the same time. if you can't, then i'd seriously challenge what you mean by "assertive" and whether an assertiveness devoid of gentleness is a biblical category at all.
a-ha. definition of gentleness is helpful. its in my old visual arts diary somewhere. along with the definition of joy, or lack thereof.
ReplyDeletehaha, you are so cute Chris.
ReplyDeleteActually I would have to disagree with you are call you silent, meek & gentle, well from what I have perceived anyway... keep striving to be like our Lord for he is the perfect example of what it means to be meek & gentle. Keep praying for wisdom.