Found this old blog... I like it because I remember how strongly I felt. I really struggle to stick to one topic, though. I don't really know how I went from the first paragraph to the next, it doesn't seem like they're connected in anyway, but whatever.
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A little part of me dies everytime I hear this song by the Pussycat Dolls called "When I Grow Up". I cannot even begin to express how much it disappoints and angers me. It's not just a song, it seems to embody, utterly and totally, everything that the masses of society want to achieve. What particularly worries me is that this song is almost directed at youth. I work at a bowling alley that regularly hosts kids parties and we happily take song requests. Well, at least superficially I graciously accept their requests but my heart sinks when 7 year old girls want to sing about kissing other girls and growing up to be narcissistic exhibitionists. This topic is nothing new, quite frequently there are newspaper articles and stories addressing the sexualisation of youth, but I can't help but add my two cents. Surely there has to be more to life than this? If you find that you need a certain pair of shoes or the right name on your handbag to feel validated then I can say, without being nasty or condescending, that I feel sorry for you.
My faith has matured incredibly over the past few months and I'm learning to let go of the vanities and aspirations that do me no favours. Just recently I read the biography of Gladys Aylward, a female missionary who left for China in the 1930s with less than $10 in her pocket but with complete trust in God. Her life was quite difficult at first; she didn't know the language or the culture but God sent amazing people her way and she soon became one of the most influential and respected women in her region. She cared for up to 100 children at a time, visited and converted even the most hardened of criminals within harsh prisons and even had the honour of speaking with monks in a Chinese lamasery. I have read a few biographies over the past few months about missionaries but Gladys' story challenged me most of all. It humbled me to the point of shame - what the hell am I worrying about material things for when the fact that I even so much as live in this country means that I am privy to luxury. It made me realise just how selfish this society is and how easy it is to be corrupted by it. Despite the dangers that Gladys faced, I envy her because she was able to trust God with absolutely everything. Amidst all this materialism and ambition its easy to make excuses and trust only within yourself. I felt I would have packed up and left for India the next day if I could have, spending the rest of my life doing nothing but telling other people about how my relationship with God fulfils me unlike anything else. Then I had to stop and think about it. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like India was perhaps an easy way out. An escape. Certainly I'd do my best to spread the message but truly, I think the need for missionaries is greater in the developed world. Nobody here wants to be told that they're a sinner, that they should submit to someone greater than them and that actually, they're not in control. India embraces all things spiritual so even if I spoke to someone who had different beliefs at least they're open to the idea of finding God. But here... I'm forever worried about the reactions of my friends to my faith and the extent of its influence over my life. The fact that it is my life. But that's another worry I'm learning to overcome. I know the majority of the world will think I'm crazy but I know what I believe in, I know the unique truth of it and I'm going to spend the rest of my life sharing it with anyone who will listen.
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