Hiatus.

Something is bothering me. It's my writing. What I choose to write about. The way I write about it. It makes me seem... angry. When people ask me about re-adjusting post India or what the most difficult thing was, I have no answer. I always seem to reply "It was only 3 and a half weeks. It wasn't enough time to truly turn my world upside down." Examining my thoughts and words over the past month though would seem to suggest otherwise. I wasn't unaware of poverty and suffering before I left for India. I wasn't unaffected by it before I got on the plane. But I've realised that anger and confusion is lying beneath the surface and is more palpable than before.

I know it and I've said it: the world is full of sin, creation is broken, poverty will never be history. But I say it with such anger, I don't think that I've truly accepted it or that I'm truly trusting God. I do think it is ok to be angered by world poverty but maybe the fact that I'm saying things like: "Well I don't want a Valentine's rose because I feel guilty about such luxury" (which is what I was effectively saying in my last post), indicates that I have to sort some things out. I fully appreciate how beautiful flowers are and like any girl would ordinarily be so happy to receive them. And yet, I recently deemed them a waste. Who am I???

The point is, I don't want to keep being so consistently upset with the way the world is. I'm spending so much time worrying about poverty that I'm missing the beautiful things that God created and has given us as well. I don't want to be thankful just because I have it better, I want to be thankful because God is good, all the time, whether you have a little or a lot. I saw God at work in Varanasi. In so many ways. I know that he cares for his people. But something in me is still clearly not at peace and I don't want it to taint my words anymore. Therefore I'm on a blogging hiatus until my words reflect on and remind the reader of how wonderful God is, instead of dwelling on how awful and selfish the world is. I don't really believe that my past posts have been encouraging or useful and I could've expressed myself in a more appropriate manner.

I just need time and prayer and my bible. I won't discover anything for myself. God will teach me his ways and until then, I'm going to wait until I can string together a sentence that displays godly wisdom as opposed to emotional freak.

Note: This writing hiatus does NOT extend to Tharunka. But if I happen to enlist your services as an editor, please tell me if I'm being too sarcastic/aggressive/whatever...

Peace.

Lighten up, they say.

"Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away.
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day..."

I went to a St. Barnabas seniors meeting last week. It was, as Isobel put it, like stepping into a time warp. We sang old songs accompanied by an organ, there was a health spot, a joke spot and the chairs had cushions on them. Being on uni holidays and somewhat unemployed (3 hours of tutoring a week barely seems like employment at this stage), it fell to me to give a presentation on India to this lovely group of people. I spoke for at least 15-20 minutes, smiling with delight at those who nodded enthusiastically and with slight exasperation at those who were nodding off. Can't be helped when you get to a certain age I suppose. As I was leaving, I was presented with a gift of scorched almonds and a photo frame. Isn't that nice? And kind of funny? I wish seniors were apt with Facebook. Or rather... more seniors were like John Cochrane who is 70 and totally has Facebook and takes pictures with his camera phone. Legendary. Or I could've done something really crazy and gotten addresses and written letters to the new friends I made. Post still exists, you know. One of my most favourite things these days is getting a letter from my friend Stephanie who is on exchange in Germany. I'm very thankful that I gave her a letter writing set as a parting gift because a Facebook wall comment, indeed even a detailed email, has got absolutely nothing on the time and effort spent to compose handwritten pages.

Happy Valentine's Day. I'm a little indifferent to this holiday. And I really don't believe that would change whether I was in a relationship or not, which I know is the first thing you're thinking. Valentine's Day sells love short in my opinion. It's all about flowers and chocolate and teddy bears - it places too much emphasis on material items to express the most deep and powerful and complex emotion of all. If you're in love, I'm very happy for you. Enjoy today if it means something special to you. But I guess I'm hoping that eventually, everyday will feel like Valentine's Day because I'm with someone who is showing their love in ways that are a little more constant and original. No flowers. No chocolates. No stuffed toys. No cards. Absolutely no jewellery. That would be my policy if a certain somebody insisted on getting me a gift. And I'd rather that he donated it or something. Honestly.

I get to celebrate God's love everyday. Jesus doesn't offer prettily wrapped gifts or candy hearts, but I get salvation by his blood and that's what love really looks like. If this means nothing to you, then your perception of love is but a mere shadow of what it could be. You're only catching a glimpse of what it is to be loved:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39

I wrote it in lead pencil down the side of a white chest of drawers next to my bed. Lest I should forget! No Hallmark card can promise love like that.

Moving on yet again:

"It struck me as incomprehensible that I should be allowed to lead such a happy life, while I saw so many people around me wrestling with care and suffering... Then one brilliant summer morning... there came to me, as I awoke, the thought that I must not accept this happiness as a matter of course, but must give something in return for it."
-Albert Schweitzer

Sorry I couldn't maintain the whole simply-recalling-a-light-hearted-memory-for-your-enjoyment tone. I can't help it. Even when I'm not expecting to, I find I have something to say.

But that's why you keep reading, right?

Complacency Kills

Millions have died in civil wars over diamonds.

People are enslaved for the farming of cocoa and of coffee beans.

Sweatshops the world over make people suffer for the sake of opportunity cost.

Children are armed before they learn to read.

People die from preventable diseases.

Walking kilometres to a contaminated water supply is the only option.

Bellies are bloated because of a lack of food.

- - - -

We wear the conflict diamonds.

Our coffee, chocolate and clothes are cheaper.

We believe our children have the right to education.

People stick needles in their forehead to look younger.

Our pets drink filtered water.

Our country suffers from an obesity ‘epidemic’.

- - - -

It just kind of overwhelms me sometimes. How could you ever love the world? How could you ever love the things of this world? Knowing that you have them because someone else is being broken for your luxury? Everything is tainted by suffering.

Money won’t fix it.
Diplomacy won’t fix it.
Policy changes won’t fix it.
International government organisations won’t fix it.
Charity organisations won’t fix it.
Bono won’t fix it.

Because if the world really wanted to, it could have done it by now. Creation is broken. Poverty will never be history.

Love, hope, faith, my trust in Jesus –they’re the only things that keep me from being sucked into the lie that this world can make you happy. No matter how much you have, you’ll always want more. Chasing after prosperity is chasing after the wind. It’s a life of constant competition and inadequacy as your worth is measured by your prestige and wealth. It’s a life that leads to inevitable dissatisfaction because there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Right now, as you are, you are rich. Disgustingly so. You want of nothing. Except for better than you already have. Do you not see? Do you not know?

If we stop to think about these things it’s only for a moment. How terrible. How shocking. It is unjust.

But we’re comfortable here. And they continue to suffer.

I don’t want to live in blissful ignorance.

Will society be recalling the abortion procedure with horror in 2018?

I just read through a discussion of 'Libertarians and Abortion' via Facebook notes. I followed a link to an article which was slightly distasteful but included the following interesting paragraph:

"I may be wrong about this, but it strikes me that in a century or so, or maybe even less, we will be appalled that we allowed abortions at all. I do not mean that we should not allow them now; it is merely a suspicion that the advance of our knowledge about the life of a foetus, coupled with an improved ability to prevent conception, will mean that we will be mystified as to how such a primitive and brutal procedure could have become state-sanctioned and commonplace. I can see politicians in 2108 erecting monuments and offering apologies to the unborn dead — divorced from the reality of where we are now, and why. Apologising, in the manner of Tony Blair, with hindsight for crimes which were not considered crimes except by a furious and vengeful minority."

Source: http://www.spectator.co.uk/the-magazine/features/720926/part_2/a-century-from-now-we-will-be-appalled-that-we-allowed-abortions-at-all.thtml

My thoughts aren't ordered enough to comment on the topic as a whole just now. Late last year during CBS Core's anthropology and ethics lectures I'd carefully thought through the issue but the lovely structured argument I'd developed in my head now escapes me.

It's going to require a little more thinking before I will be satisfied with anything I have to say on abortion.

What one person thinks is reasonable, another...

It seems that the Heavenly Man is providing me with a wealth of material to blog about. It’s certainly making me think. I’ve read about persecution, of martyrs, but this is something else. Such faithfulness, is it possible within myself?

One word: rebuked!

I sound like a broken record don’t I? Well, this blog is actually being composed for an apologetic purpose so keep reading.

Bear with me, I’m about to quote from several different authors and I don’t know about you, but I sometimes find quoting tiresome. Regardless, I’m going to share a song that Brother Yun and his fellow believers sung to remind them that following God is synonymous with persecution and that those who truly love and follow him, will undoubtedly endure it (at least skim read it or the rest of my writing and its purpose will be lost on you).

Martyrs for the Lord

“…Those apostles who loved the Lord to the end
Willingly followed the Lord down the path of suffering
John was exiled to the lonely isle of Patmos
Stephen was stoned to death by an angry crowd.

Matthew was stabbed to death in Persia by a mob
Mark died as horses pulled his two legs apart
Doctor Luke was cruelly hanged
Peter, Phillip and Simon were crucified on a cross.

Bartholomew was skinned alive by the heathen
Thomas died in India as five horses pulled his body apart
The apostle James was beheaded by King Herod
Little James was cut in half by a sharp saw.

James the brother of the Lord was stoned to death
Judas was tied to a pillar and shot by arrows
Matthias had his head cut off in Jerusalem
Paul was a martyr under Emperor Nero…”

Reading this list of atrocities actually reminded me of a certain philosophical piece of writing that I strongly dislike and love to critique: David Hume’s Of Miracles. What this song made me think about, nay, marvel over, is how Hume could dismiss the testimony of the apostles. In his article, Hume comes up with a set of criteria for examining the integrity of human testimony concerning miracles and it goes a little something like this:

We cannot conclude that the resurrection was a miraculous event that really occurred based on human testimony because-

A) "There is not to be found, in all history, any miracle attested by a sufficient number of men, of such unquestioned good sense, education, and learning, as to secure us against all delusion in themselves; of such undoubted integrity... of such credit and reputation in the eyes of mankind…"

If Hume ever found such men, I wish he’d let me know considering my present single status. Is there some integrity scale that I don’t know of? How could you decide whether or not a person was good enough or educated enough to be listened to?
I love this from William Lane Craig’s Reasonable Faith: "Although the apostles were unlearned men, all one needs in order to prove that something happened is five good senses and common sense."

B) "Where there is an opposition of arguments, we ought to give the preference to such as are founded on the greatest number of past observations."

Basically, the idea of a man rising from the dead is one that Hume has never observed for himself, therefore as opposed to listening to the testimony of many eyewitnesses stating otherwise, Hume will continue to believe in what he already knows. The thing about this article is that nothing is concrete. It's all about believing in the event which has the greatest probability. He continually leaves open a window of possibility and the resurrection is it.

C) "The passion of surprise and wonder, arising from miracles, being an agreeable emotion, gives a sensible tendency towards the belief of those events, from which it is derived… But if the spirit of religion join itself to the love of wonder, there is an end of common sense; and human testimony, in these circumstances, loses all pretensions to authority."

D) "He may know his narrative to be false, and yet persevere in it, with the best intentions in the world, for the sake of promoting so holy a cause."

I really cannot stand such condescension. Read through the list of cruel deaths again and tell me if you think it is reasonable to conclude that these men believed in miracles because of a love of wonder and then suffered torture and death for it. Convince me that men would die in such a way for the sake of a lie.

The irony is, Hume’s ultimate test for truth is that it would have to be more of a miracle for people’s testimony to be untrue than for the event they were retelling to be untrue. The apostles endured intense suffering, unto death, because they saw Jesus resurrected from the dead. There is no other possible reason for each one of those men to die the way they did. The following is an illustration adopted from William Paley also from Craig’s Reasonable Faith:

"Suppose twelve men, whom I know to be honest and reasonable people, were to assert that they saw personally a miraculous event in which it was impossible for them to have been tricked; furthermore, the governor called them before him for an inquiry and sentenced them all to death unless they were to admit the hoax; and then all went to their deaths rather than say they were lying. According to Hume, we should still not believe such men."

Hume reminds me of an insolent child who simply refuses to accept the truth of the matter by closing his eyes, sticking his fingers in his ears and singing loudly to himself until it all just fades away. Every scripture I’ve ever read concerning spiritual blindness strikes me. Particularly this:

"Keep on hearing, but do not understand; keep on seeing, but do not perceive. Make the heart of this people dull, and their ears heavy, and blind their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed." – Isaiah 6:9-10

It’s all I can come up with to understand how a man who was so reasonable could possibly come to such an unreasonable conclusion.

Am I now seeking the approval of man or God?

I have trouble with sticking to just one book lately. I’m halfway through about 5 or 6 novels because I can’t help myself but trying to keep up with each storyline is getting a little tiresome. For the moment I’ve settled with the Heavenly Man, the autobiography of Chinese Brother Yun. It details much of the oppression and persecution faced by Christians in China at the hands of the government. The faithfulness of Brother Yun and his fellow believers is continually astounding and I’m once again being challenged to think about the sacrifices I would make for the Lord.

It’s funny, I wonder whether or not I could pack my bags and re-locate to deepest darkest Africa to serve God, and yet I struggle to give him perhaps another $10 this week. I wonder whether or not I could endure torture, even death for God’s name, and yet I shy away from walk-up evangelism on campus. I wonder whether I could teach and demonstrate God’s love to an unreached people group and yet my prayer life is often less of a priority than sleep seems be.

Why are the smallest sacrifices so hard to make?

I can only conclude that pride is what keeps me from being disciplined and from continuing to serve God in a way that is unseen. Humans simply can’t help it – adoration, respect, even in the smallest dose, we crave it. Please do not misunderstand me, I do not believe that every leadership position we take on, every talk we give, every event we volunteer for, is done simply to receive praise. Certainly we do these things first and foremost in service of God and others. It is just that when we serve in this way, all eyes are on us and we start to think that the little things are not as important.

I get it now. Why we shouldn’t just strive to do ‘big things’. The little things are actually the hardest to put into practise and yet the best way in which we can be serving God. He is a God who values humility and the one who can come to him everyday for a decent quiet time is just as worthy as the next Billy Graham.

With reference to scripture, Matthew chapter 6 provides three consecutive examples of the ‘little things’ and their importance:

(ESV)
But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your father who sees in secret will reward you. – Matthew 6:3-4

But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your father who is in secret. And your father who sees in secret will reward you. – Matthew 6:6

But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your father who sees in secret will reward you. – Matthew 6:17-18

To sum it up:
Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. – Matthew 6:1

It’s just a reminder, really, that the small and ‘difficult’ things we do don’t actually go unnoticed. They are seen and what’s more they are rewarded, by God. I’m pretty sure that the praise of God is worth more than the praise of a world of men.

Being a leader is an amazing privilege and they are sorely needed but perhaps before I put my hand up, I should realise that it’s the concentration on the little things that produces someone worth following.

A leader is best when people barely knows he exists - Lao Tzu