Election.

"I told you, and you do not believe. The works that I do in my Father's name they bear witness to me; but you do not believe, because you do not belong to my sheep."
John 10:25-26

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me; and I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish, and no one shall snatch them out of my hand. My father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand."
John 10:27-29

Belonging to the sheep, in this text, is not dependent on believing. It's the other way around. Believing is dependent on being a sheep. Belonging to the sheep enables a person to believe. (John Piper, The Pleasures of God, Ch.5: The Pleasure of God in Election)

Two things strike me about this.

Firstly, assurance. If God has truly elected me, if I am one of his sheep, then nothing can come between us. I am his and he is mine.

This passage also seems relevant to a discussion we had during our church weekend away (Tara, do you remember? When I read this, I was thinking of a question you might have raised). And I've just remembered what we were discussing:

"It is impossible for those who have been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace."
Hebrew 6:4-6

And now I have another question. Even if a person did experience all of these things, would it mean that they could fall away because they're not one of God's chosen sheep?

Because here's my second thought. Where does this leave free will? I can decide right now to turn my back on Jesus (oh gosh what a chilling thought). Or can I? If I have already been chosen, what say do I have in this? The one who was once on fire for God falls away and the one who swore that Christians were idiots falls to their knees in repentance - it's all part of God's plan. He has an elect. And when you elect, you have a choice. You can take this person or the other. None of us deserve it. And so do I really have assurance? I am living for God. I would die for his name. I have never written or typed or spoken those words because I didn't know if I could but right now, as I am, I would die for my faith. But have I been chosen? Is it possible that I've just tasted God's goodness and one day will be so overcome by logic that I turn my back on the one who died for me? And all because - God hasn't actually chosen me?

I'm concerned because yes, I know that Jesus died for me. I know that he rose again. I believe that. But if I am not one of God's elect, what does that even matter? How do I know for sure that I am one of his sheep?

Please, please don't think that whenever I question my faith I'm going through some terrible spiritual battle and will throw it all away in the next five seconds. I ask questions because I expect there to be answers, good ones, and if other Christians I know and trust tell me that at the end of the day we need to trust God, then I am quite happy to do that. I think it's better to ask the questions and find answers instead of letting it all accumulate until you think you've found enough holes to abandon Christianity altogether.

I really don't like the flow of this blog but I can't be bothered to fix it up.