Forgiveness.

I had an epiphany today. I finally understood something. Properly. I was not doing anything particularly spectacular, just ironing lots of clothes, but I suppose the good thing about such a mundane task is that it leaves you free to think. I'm not entirely sure how I got on to pondering the nature of forgiveness but as I was doing so, something suddenly hit me. It's probably something that a lot of other people know, in fact it's probably something that I've always known but I maintain that there's a difference between knowing something and actually getting it. I think I finally get forgiveness.

This is going to sound painfully obvious but honestly, it was incredibly profound for me. Forgiveness means: not holding the hurtful actions of another person against them. It means, you don't use their past against them as a weapon. It means that they have a clean slate with you. You let it go. You love and serve that person as though nothing had ever happened.

But isn't that insane? How difficult is forgiveness? As soon as I understood this, I thought of people in my life whom I thought I had forgiven. Yet, so often, even if it is in my own mind, I dwell on past hurts and disappointments and try to justify my bitterness. That is not the attitude of someone who claims to have forgiven!

I try to rationalise my anger. Some hurts are too deep. The offence was unforgivable. They haven't learnt...

Then later today I read the story of ten-year-old Namrata. She is a little girl who lives in Orissa, in India. Christians in Orissa are currently under intense persecution from Hindu radicals. Namrata's family came under attack and a bomb was left in a bedroom cupboard. Once the intruders had left, all emerged from their hiding places and left the home - all except for Namrata who stayed inside to inspect the damage. The bomb exploded; shrapnel and flames wounded her face, hands and back. This is what she had to say:

"... we forgive the Hindu radicals who attacked us, who burned our homes. They were out of their minds, they do not know the love of Jesus. For this reason, I now want to study so that when I am older I can tell everyone how much Jesus loves us. This is my future. I want to dedicate my life to spreading the Gospel."

Words cannot express how great is the faith of this little girl or the grace of the amazing God who gave it to her. A ten-year-old girl, who has lived a bare existence and has suffered in ways that I can't even dream of, understands forgiveness better than I. She understands the nature of forgiveness because she understands the love of Christ and the pain he suffered that we might have forgiveness from God.

And therein lies my true understanding. I have offended God in every way possible. Over and over again. I cannot stop. Yet does he hold even one action against me? I crucify my Lord every day and he forgives me every day.

I don't have the right to bear a grudge. There is nothing that anyone could ever possibly do to me that would justify my withholding forgiveness, and I should offer that forgiveness not just with words, but from the bottom of my heart. If I understand the forgiveness of sins granted to me, I can joyfully and sincerely say, to anybody, for anything - I forgive you.