There are just a couple of things in particular that were pointed out to me that made me come to a fuller understanding of the grief and anguish Christ experienced and the part that I played in it.
Firstly, I suppose that I've always just thought that Jesus' utter distress in the garden of Gethsemane was entirely due to the fact that he knew he was to endure torture and suffering. I've only had a superficial idea of why Jesus was sweating so hard it was like sweating drops of blood (Mt. 26:36-46). I guess I thought it was purely in anticipation of physical pain - but this is a grave misunderstanding. After all, many, many martyrs have faced death almost joyfully and Christ, who confidently rebuked the Jewish leaders, was no coward. It is not fitting with his character that he would have feared death itself. It's far deeper than that. If Christ was not recoiling at the idea of flogging and crucifixion then what? What was the cup he was referring to, which he prayed earnestly for God to take from him - but only if it was his will? Simply, it was sin.
This has never really struck me before. Christ's body was broken, his blood flowed but this is not the worst of it. On that cross, Jesus bore the sins of the whole world - past, present, future. This absolutely blew my mind, as I really thought about it. I thought of my sins. Of the ways in which I fail God every day and will continue to do so. My sin alone overwhelms me - but I had to try and come to terms with the sins of the whole world. All sin is deserving of punishment, of condemnation, of the wrath of God. Jesus took the wrath of God onto himself for all sin. Period. I cannot even begin to comprehend this. This is true torture, suffering and pain. Every thought, every word, every deed that signifies our rejection of God was laid on him and our iniquity separated the Lord of the universe from his father. I cannot read 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabacthani?' (Mk 15:34) without wanting to fall to my knees in shame, but also in extreme thankfulness.
'It is impossible for us to face the cross with integrity and not to feel ashamed of ourselves. Apathy, selfishness and complacency blossom everywhere in the world except at the cross. There these noxious weeds shrivel and die. They are seen for the tatty, poisionous things they are. For if there was no way by which the righteous God could righteously forgive our unrighteousness, except that he should bear it himself in Christ, it must be serious indeed. It is only when we see this that, stripped of our own self-righteousness and self-satisfaction, we are ready to put our trust in Jesus Christ as the Saviour we urgently need.' (The Cross of Christ, pg 83)
Cue slap in the face #2: we are responsible for the death of Christ. We are as culpable as if we'd lived over 2000 years ago and driven the nails into his hands ourselves. I know my sin sent Jesus to the cross but I'm again sorely mistaken if I think I am any better than those who sentenced, flogged, mocked and finally crucified him. It's easy to read the accounts of the gospels and judge those who took part but truly, whenever we turn away from Christ, we 'are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace' (Heb. 6:6).
'Twas I that shed the sacred blood;
I nailed him to the tree;
I crucifed the Christ of God;
I joined the mockery.
Of all that shouting multitude
I feel that I am one;
And in that din of voices rude
I recognise my own.
Around the cross the throng I see,
Mocking the Sufferer's groan;
Yet still my voice it seems to be,
As if I mocked alone.
- Horatius Bonar
To then have the meaning of Easter reduced to easter eggs, hot cross buns and an easter show makes me sick. It really does. Christ did not endure for the sake of a public holiday, forbid it that someone should stop for just one moment to remember him. I pray that it would be impressed upon my heart always because the truth is that even the Christian is prone to forgetfulness.
Amazing love, O what sacrifice
The Son of God, giv'n for me...
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