I am so happy. No, again, happy isn't the right word. The right word is joyful. I have a constant and reassuring joy in my heart, the type that only a Christian has and only a fellow Christian can understand. Yes, I am joyful. But I'm also feeling isolated.
More and more it's becoming difficult to relate to those who are 'of the world' and not just 'in the world'. I can't share what's important to me, I can't explain the significance of a particular moment, I can't gush about how amazing God has been to me this week. I can't. Not to them. I have nothing to give that's of relevance to them and if I dare to explain something vaguely spiritual I have to prepare them with: "I know this will sound odd to you, but..."
My friends are now just people I hang out with. Let's see a movie. Fine. But does it go much deeper than that anymore? I'm not sure how long it will be before phone calls go from weekly, to monthly, to...
Make yourself interesting, they say. What's interesting to the world is partying and drinking and casual sex. Simple as that. My friends' recently tagged Facebook photos are of them at a different bar or club every weekend, and mine are of me at church picnics and on mission trips.
Non-Christian friends are in my life for a reason. They're probably the ones I need to be holding on to the most. But how? How?
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
I'd like to understand better.
In no particular order:
1. Evolution
2. Climate change modelling
3. The trinity
4. The Australian economy
5. Why reading the Sydney Morning Herald is such a trying exercise (because of the size of the pages, not because the articles are particularly challenging)
6. What I should do after uni and whether or not it will involve secular work or MTS and whether I should do MTS in the South West or at UNSW
7. Shakespeare's The Tragedy of Hamlet
8. Why I can't just move to India right now and be a missionary. Okay, I know why not, considering I was raised a conservative Sydney Anglican, but did Gladys Aylward have a degree from Moore? If someone like her came along these days, would we simply think her mad? Or what if Keith Green was born 20 years later and was starting up his ministry now? Would we be worried that he was far too 'experiential' for us? Will I ever get to see a revival like that? Perhaps the Passion movement is the closest thing we have and I remember being wary through the whole thing. Is it possible that Sydney Anglicans are too preoccupied with preaching sound doctrine? There. I said it.
9. Why I seem to have an invisible hand clamped over my mouth during my Philosophy tutorial
10. What to do if ministry hopes and relationship hopes clash. According to Peter, all that matters is whether or not I'm serving God wherever I am but let's see if that statement still stands should I have to leave South West Sydney (because he would've then wasted more than 10 years on me haha)
11. How people can watch Today Tonight and A Current Affair. My parents have had it on the past few nights during dinner and I've heard such hard-hitting stories as: which celebrities have grey hair.
12. Fairtrade, as always
13. Why Christians support Obama. I'd genuinely just like to know why.
14. How to go about understanding most of these things better without boring myself to death
Wisest is she who knows she does not know, said Socrates. That seems to me to be of little consolation. I think I prefer this paraphrasing: the more you know, the more you know you know absolutely nothing.
1. Evolution
2. Climate change modelling
3. The trinity
4. The Australian economy
5. Why reading the Sydney Morning Herald is such a trying exercise (because of the size of the pages, not because the articles are particularly challenging)
6. What I should do after uni and whether or not it will involve secular work or MTS and whether I should do MTS in the South West or at UNSW
7. Shakespeare's The Tragedy of Hamlet
8. Why I can't just move to India right now and be a missionary. Okay, I know why not, considering I was raised a conservative Sydney Anglican, but did Gladys Aylward have a degree from Moore? If someone like her came along these days, would we simply think her mad? Or what if Keith Green was born 20 years later and was starting up his ministry now? Would we be worried that he was far too 'experiential' for us? Will I ever get to see a revival like that? Perhaps the Passion movement is the closest thing we have and I remember being wary through the whole thing. Is it possible that Sydney Anglicans are too preoccupied with preaching sound doctrine? There. I said it.
9. Why I seem to have an invisible hand clamped over my mouth during my Philosophy tutorial
10. What to do if ministry hopes and relationship hopes clash. According to Peter, all that matters is whether or not I'm serving God wherever I am but let's see if that statement still stands should I have to leave South West Sydney (because he would've then wasted more than 10 years on me haha)
11. How people can watch Today Tonight and A Current Affair. My parents have had it on the past few nights during dinner and I've heard such hard-hitting stories as: which celebrities have grey hair.
12. Fairtrade, as always
13. Why Christians support Obama. I'd genuinely just like to know why.
14. How to go about understanding most of these things better without boring myself to death
Wisest is she who knows she does not know, said Socrates. That seems to me to be of little consolation. I think I prefer this paraphrasing: the more you know, the more you know you know absolutely nothing.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Emily.
Her head rests on my shoulder and her little fingers grip my sleeves. She might rub her eyes with those same fingers, and let out a sigh even though she has no real pressing concerns. She's completely dependent on me, I am the source of her warmth and her safety. I am almost a stranger yet she's perfectly quiet and is content to just let me continue to hold her. I rub her back, hoping to maintain the calm. But I think that she's the one who calms me.
Not poetry. Hold a baby in your arms and you will know.
Not poetry. Hold a baby in your arms and you will know.
Monday, May 11, 2009
About that.
My blogs are long. Probably kind of boring. Apologies.
And now for some words that may or may not come together to form a poem. I don't know what the prevailing meter is. I'm not sure it bothers me just now.
You'll have everything,
They said
Reach out and take it
Like only the young can
It almost made sense:
Take the path
Always taken
Or else be left behind
Suppose I now have a different hope,
A plan that is different from 'the plan'
I won't be climbing ladders or hitting glass ceilings
Or progressing for progress' sake
I see the incredulous expressions
Maybe it's closer to disappointment.
No. I will never have those things.
But it's not those things that I want.
This is the path I have chosen
I will take each step
Without stumbling, with certainty
I will never look back.
And now for some words that may or may not come together to form a poem. I don't know what the prevailing meter is. I'm not sure it bothers me just now.
You'll have everything,
They said
Reach out and take it
Like only the young can
It almost made sense:
Take the path
Always taken
Or else be left behind
Suppose I now have a different hope,
A plan that is different from 'the plan'
I won't be climbing ladders or hitting glass ceilings
Or progressing for progress' sake
I see the incredulous expressions
Maybe it's closer to disappointment.
No. I will never have those things.
But it's not those things that I want.
This is the path I have chosen
I will take each step
Without stumbling, with certainty
I will never look back.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Progress.
Screw science and philosophical questions. Objections and doubts shrivel and die at the foot of the cross. I'd like to be able to engage in conversation concerning evolution and morality and argue for or against those things from a Christian perspective but the real answer to every question is Jesus.
I am completely, utterly and totally convinced of the death and resurrection of Jesus. Nothing has ever shaken my trust in this, the crux of Christianity. So long as this stands firmly, my conviction will remain.
That's all I really have to say about that.
___________________________________________________
On Fairtrade
Sue and I went along to the Fairtrade Fiesta in Paddington last night and managed to have a decent conversation with one of the founders of Tribes & Nations, a Fairtrade business. Sue recognised Mignonne Murray from a spot at CMS Summer School so not only were we able to find out more about Fairtrade, but we were able to approach it from a Christian perspective.
Mignonne explained the basics: Fairtrade is a movement which aims to provide third world producers with a fairer price for their goods. One way in which farmers are protected for example, is by the Fairtrade Minimum Price, which is basically a floor price that guarantees stability and security of income even in an economic downturn. Fairtrade not only seeks to benefit producers in developing countries, but also ensures that the process is environmentally sustainable.
Fairtrade goods are obviously more expensive than what we would normally buy. My question then: is Fairtrade, in a sense, a luxury for those who can afford it? Mignonne countered this by explaining that once demand goes up, prices come down and mentioned the example of Copenhagen as a city that is committed to ethical consumerism, demonstrated by its application to become a Fairtrade city. Apparently 270 Fairtrade cities exist worldwide. Nice.
Mignonne's vision is for Fairtrade to be the norm in about 60 years or so. She sees the next generation recognising that action needs to be taken to address the outrageous disparity in wealth between the first and third worlds and Fairtrade will be a key instrument. I share her passion for seeing it come to pass, but for Fairtrade to prevail, it essentially means that consumers will have to be other-person centred in making their purchases which sounds absurd because it seems so unlikely. Is there a happy medium between capitalism and communism? See, I think that people should be free to make their own wealth, but that there shouldn't be people in dire need. Do I want to have my cake and eat it, too?
No, people should just stop being jerks. Yes, that includes me.
The realisation that there are Fairtrade cities the world over has given me hope. Surely if we continue to demand Fairtrade basics such as coffee and chocolate here in Australia, one city might be willing to go certified Fairtrade? One thing I am definitely sure of now though, I think it is better to support Fairtrade, than to boycott.
I asked Mignonne what we could be praying for and she was adamant: that the church would have a heart for the poor and do something about it. She seemed almost disillusioned and of the opinion that the church today just doesn't seem to care very much. I'm still thinking about this. What should the local church be doing to help alleviate poverty? Should local churches be stepping up to assist developing nations? What about Christian organisations such as World Vision? Surely they are an example of Christian love and service to the poor?
Yet more to ponder.
I am completely, utterly and totally convinced of the death and resurrection of Jesus. Nothing has ever shaken my trust in this, the crux of Christianity. So long as this stands firmly, my conviction will remain.
That's all I really have to say about that.
___________________________________________________
On Fairtrade
Sue and I went along to the Fairtrade Fiesta in Paddington last night and managed to have a decent conversation with one of the founders of Tribes & Nations, a Fairtrade business. Sue recognised Mignonne Murray from a spot at CMS Summer School so not only were we able to find out more about Fairtrade, but we were able to approach it from a Christian perspective.
Mignonne explained the basics: Fairtrade is a movement which aims to provide third world producers with a fairer price for their goods. One way in which farmers are protected for example, is by the Fairtrade Minimum Price, which is basically a floor price that guarantees stability and security of income even in an economic downturn. Fairtrade not only seeks to benefit producers in developing countries, but also ensures that the process is environmentally sustainable.
Fairtrade goods are obviously more expensive than what we would normally buy. My question then: is Fairtrade, in a sense, a luxury for those who can afford it? Mignonne countered this by explaining that once demand goes up, prices come down and mentioned the example of Copenhagen as a city that is committed to ethical consumerism, demonstrated by its application to become a Fairtrade city. Apparently 270 Fairtrade cities exist worldwide. Nice.
Mignonne's vision is for Fairtrade to be the norm in about 60 years or so. She sees the next generation recognising that action needs to be taken to address the outrageous disparity in wealth between the first and third worlds and Fairtrade will be a key instrument. I share her passion for seeing it come to pass, but for Fairtrade to prevail, it essentially means that consumers will have to be other-person centred in making their purchases which sounds absurd because it seems so unlikely. Is there a happy medium between capitalism and communism? See, I think that people should be free to make their own wealth, but that there shouldn't be people in dire need. Do I want to have my cake and eat it, too?
No, people should just stop being jerks. Yes, that includes me.
The realisation that there are Fairtrade cities the world over has given me hope. Surely if we continue to demand Fairtrade basics such as coffee and chocolate here in Australia, one city might be willing to go certified Fairtrade? One thing I am definitely sure of now though, I think it is better to support Fairtrade, than to boycott.
I asked Mignonne what we could be praying for and she was adamant: that the church would have a heart for the poor and do something about it. She seemed almost disillusioned and of the opinion that the church today just doesn't seem to care very much. I'm still thinking about this. What should the local church be doing to help alleviate poverty? Should local churches be stepping up to assist developing nations? What about Christian organisations such as World Vision? Surely they are an example of Christian love and service to the poor?
Yet more to ponder.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Maybe I should stop reading rubbish texts?
I find apologetics so draining sometimes. Very interesting, but sometimes it just messes with my head. Although, going from Lee Strobel to Richard Dawkins will never do anybody any favours. I'm reading through exaggerated opinions and emotional beliefs, I practically have to claw my way through the bias. Oh objectivity, wherefore art thou?
Here's my dilemma: everything that I think I know about science or evolution, I know from reading Christian apologists. Today this struck me as... deficient. It seems deficient in that, perhaps I should be doing my own research into science and evolution to decide whether or not the conclusions of the apologist are sound. I suppose I've tried to counter Christian literature with atheist texts to give myself the impression that I'm open to objections and hearing both sides of the argument but this isn't working out quite so well. Yet the alternative would be... reading science journals, or The Origin of Species for myself, or something else incredibly boring and impossible to understand. So what's the answer?
I'm wary of confining myself exclusively to Christian texts because it seems that, anyone and everyone can keep feeding off the same information to tell them what they want to believe. I often think that atheists might understand a heck of a lot more if they didn't just read the Bible but actually studied it. I suppose they might think I'd understand a heck of a lot more if I didn't just take William Lane Craig's word for it and actually sought after some evidence for evolution. After all, who am I to dismiss it? What do I know about evolution? It seems to me that if I ever got into a discussion on the topic with someone who actually knew anything about it and I backed up my claims with "er, I read in this apologetic book that..." I'd be dismissed pretty quickly and thought of as close-minded. Not that this happens to me very often. Or that anybody I've ever spoken to seems to have been an expert on evolution, but regardless. I guess I'd like to research the topic, as it is, without Christian or atheist presuppositions. Er, evolution for dummies, anyone?
I'm in a skeptical mood at the moment. Goodness. Dawkins has messed with my head. I'm torn between knowing that God transcends the demand for extreme rationality and then being perplexed that he does. I guess it's my experience that tells me that Dawkins has it so very wrong. God changes people in a way that nothing or no one else can. His Word makes perfect sense, all of it. It surprises me how easily I seem to be able to question, but this is not nearly surprising as the fact that it doesn't take much for me to go running back. I guess sometimes you just have to accept that the truth will be offensive and a stumbling block to others. I know in my heart of hearts that Jesus is the ultimate truth. But every now and then an intellectual barrier pops its head up and needs to be dealt with. I already know what the standard response is: prayer, the Bible. I don't want to worry excessively about scientific evidence, but I want to investigate for myself. Oh, my head.
Someone please oblige with an encouraging comment or useful suggestion to a blog that sounds somewhat nonsensical but which is a truthful representation of my mixed up thoughts. Ta.
Here's my dilemma: everything that I think I know about science or evolution, I know from reading Christian apologists. Today this struck me as... deficient. It seems deficient in that, perhaps I should be doing my own research into science and evolution to decide whether or not the conclusions of the apologist are sound. I suppose I've tried to counter Christian literature with atheist texts to give myself the impression that I'm open to objections and hearing both sides of the argument but this isn't working out quite so well. Yet the alternative would be... reading science journals, or The Origin of Species for myself, or something else incredibly boring and impossible to understand. So what's the answer?
I'm wary of confining myself exclusively to Christian texts because it seems that, anyone and everyone can keep feeding off the same information to tell them what they want to believe. I often think that atheists might understand a heck of a lot more if they didn't just read the Bible but actually studied it. I suppose they might think I'd understand a heck of a lot more if I didn't just take William Lane Craig's word for it and actually sought after some evidence for evolution. After all, who am I to dismiss it? What do I know about evolution? It seems to me that if I ever got into a discussion on the topic with someone who actually knew anything about it and I backed up my claims with "er, I read in this apologetic book that..." I'd be dismissed pretty quickly and thought of as close-minded. Not that this happens to me very often. Or that anybody I've ever spoken to seems to have been an expert on evolution, but regardless. I guess I'd like to research the topic, as it is, without Christian or atheist presuppositions. Er, evolution for dummies, anyone?
I'm in a skeptical mood at the moment. Goodness. Dawkins has messed with my head. I'm torn between knowing that God transcends the demand for extreme rationality and then being perplexed that he does. I guess it's my experience that tells me that Dawkins has it so very wrong. God changes people in a way that nothing or no one else can. His Word makes perfect sense, all of it. It surprises me how easily I seem to be able to question, but this is not nearly surprising as the fact that it doesn't take much for me to go running back. I guess sometimes you just have to accept that the truth will be offensive and a stumbling block to others. I know in my heart of hearts that Jesus is the ultimate truth. But every now and then an intellectual barrier pops its head up and needs to be dealt with. I already know what the standard response is: prayer, the Bible. I don't want to worry excessively about scientific evidence, but I want to investigate for myself. Oh, my head.
Someone please oblige with an encouraging comment or useful suggestion to a blog that sounds somewhat nonsensical but which is a truthful representation of my mixed up thoughts. Ta.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Oooo pictures.
Phillip Jensen session was awesome. Disappointed I won't be there next week for the discussion on predestination/election because of Youth Group's trivia night. I made a point of asking Ken Simpson whether he would speak on the subject at CORE and looking at the schedule, it does come up at some point, but Tuesdays are no longer free. Bah.
Rach, Sue & Liz are awesome sisters.
Rach and I saw 17 Again after the PJ session. Nothing special. That's ok, we weren't up for having to think. Zac Efron's character reminded me so much of my younger brother. Clothes, mainly. The skinny black jeans. The hair. The 'quit breathing my air' vibes. My brother is just too cool for me.
After the movie Rach and I went on an expedition to buy milk and toilet paper in a 9 level Woolies, part of which I filmed on my camera and includes a part where Rach walks into a lady because she's not paying attention to where she's going and it's really funny. But this is a photo of Rach and tomatoes and is not really funny, just cute.
I could live in JB Hi-Fi. I almost bought Ben Harper's 'Both Sides of the Gun' because it was only $15, as was Death Cab's latest, but then decided if I really wanted a CD, I'd return the next day. I ran out of money though so now I have no new music. I love you Ellen Clark but gosh darn I wish you hadnt misplaced my copy of 'Diamonds on the Inside'.
Rach and I tried to take some photos at Milson's Point. They didn't turn out so great but it was fun.
Saturday morning we rolled out of bed at 7am and I went with Rach to her cafe job and ended up staying for about an hour to help out because it got so very busy! Rach later texted me to tell me it was a record day for the shop. God is awesome for getting me there to help out :)
Then there was track work on the North Shore line and I caught two buses before I finally decided I was just going to walk until I found a train station. This walk took me over the Harbour Bridge...
I finally got home and was there all of about 2 hours when I got a call from the lovely Tara who decided she wanted to go shopping for work clothes. I said I'd keep her company. More than that, I made her wear heels.
Then we had a little partay for Lisa's birthday and had yet another bonfire. Tara's status update is currently informing me that she has a thing for bonfires. That was pretty fun. Then it was just me, Tar, Soong, Felix, Erin and Thom and we watched the Japanese original film 'The Grudge' and didn't sleep til 3am.
I'm really tired. I have no partay photos which is disappointing. It's killing the trend of what has been a fairly visual blog thus far.
Now gotta put together slides for night church and figure out what to pray for. Yay for praying.
Lah-di-dah.
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