Recently I've realised something. I'm quiet. I never would have described myself as such but people have been bringing to my attention of late that I have a tendency to remain silent and for some reason it is disconcerting (to them).
Here are some of the reasons why I think I am quiet sometimes.
1) I'm listening. Properly.
2) I don't think I have anything relevant or helpful to say. I'm not a massive fan of talking crap, regardless of the impression my blog gives.
3) I'm not sure of my opinion and don't want to sound silly.
4) I'm tired.
5) I disapprove and am thinking of the most tactful way to say so.
6) I'm comfortable. I enjoy your company. Must we speak?
It's down to you to figure out which one applies to any given situation. Oh and one more, if I'm not talking and just kind of staring into the distance, I'm most definitely thinking about something so if you really feel uncomfortable because of my prolonged silence maybe a quick way to break the ice would be to just ask me what's on my mind.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Ramblings of the 6am kind.
Dear politics, you are ruining me.
Dear blackboard, you are fail at 6.26am in the morning.
Dear Christine, it's your own stupid fault.
So sometimes I wonder what stops us from just telling people the Gospel. I was singing lyrics last night something along the vein of: I know the truth, I'll tell everyone I know etc. etc.
But I don't tell everyone I meet and so much of our focus is on how to make the truth more attractive or how to get people in or whatever and sometimes I just think it's a cop out. Amy Carmichael rebuked a colleague who suggested starting a knitting group to gather women around her so that 'they would love her and listen to the Gospel.' To which Amy replied, the truth needs no extra frills it will speak for itself. When I first read this I kinda thought that Amy was way hardcore, well she was, but she does have a point. Newsflash: the Gospel is offensive no matter which way you put it. Whether you dress it up in a high tea or beer tasting or whatever. We're always trying to show the world that we're normal somehow, trying to fit in but we're not apart of this world, we are different and we will be mocked and shunned and time is short and anyone who really truly cared about evangelism didn't sit around planning evangelistic events they went out and told people.
I'm in one of those really convicted moods where I know I should be better and bolder than I am but the mot frustrating thing is that I'm not and I won't do any walk-up evangelism this week like I haven't for the whole of semester and it's pretty much lame.
The end.
Dear blackboard, you are fail at 6.26am in the morning.
Dear Christine, it's your own stupid fault.
So sometimes I wonder what stops us from just telling people the Gospel. I was singing lyrics last night something along the vein of: I know the truth, I'll tell everyone I know etc. etc.
But I don't tell everyone I meet and so much of our focus is on how to make the truth more attractive or how to get people in or whatever and sometimes I just think it's a cop out. Amy Carmichael rebuked a colleague who suggested starting a knitting group to gather women around her so that 'they would love her and listen to the Gospel.' To which Amy replied, the truth needs no extra frills it will speak for itself. When I first read this I kinda thought that Amy was way hardcore, well she was, but she does have a point. Newsflash: the Gospel is offensive no matter which way you put it. Whether you dress it up in a high tea or beer tasting or whatever. We're always trying to show the world that we're normal somehow, trying to fit in but we're not apart of this world, we are different and we will be mocked and shunned and time is short and anyone who really truly cared about evangelism didn't sit around planning evangelistic events they went out and told people.
I'm in one of those really convicted moods where I know I should be better and bolder than I am but the mot frustrating thing is that I'm not and I won't do any walk-up evangelism this week like I haven't for the whole of semester and it's pretty much lame.
The end.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I hear MTS is good for that.
Youth group has been such a challenge for me this year. I think it's the most humbling ministry I've ever been apart of. I have been looking forward to leading for years and now that I'm here, I feel ridiculously inadequate. As though I don't have the right personality, enough patience, creativity...
It would be silly to expect that I would just fit right in and find myself in my element. Something as small as planning games stresses me out. And the kids - how to get into their worlds and show them you genuinely care without stifling them or how to join in their conversations without killing them instantaneously with cliched questions...
Most of the kids at youth group struggle with Christianity. Friday nights are a social event, or it's something that they're forced into by their parents. When your kids are hiding from you in the next room hoping not to be found when youth group starts, you know you've got trouble. Christianity to them is pathetic and irrelevant. And even to the older kids who have grown up going to church, thanking God for Jesus is an amusing afterthought. I have spent so much time telling other leaders that God will be the one to move the hearts of whom he chooses in any manner of ways but now I feel that I could end up blaming myself. What aren't I doing? What can I be doing better? Is it me? Gosh. Self-absorbed much.
Experiences like this make the idea of MTS more attractive. Best to make the mistakes and figure out ministry during a time when it's expected that you'll make mistakes and there are people there to help you figure it out.
It would be silly to expect that I would just fit right in and find myself in my element. Something as small as planning games stresses me out. And the kids - how to get into their worlds and show them you genuinely care without stifling them or how to join in their conversations without killing them instantaneously with cliched questions...
Most of the kids at youth group struggle with Christianity. Friday nights are a social event, or it's something that they're forced into by their parents. When your kids are hiding from you in the next room hoping not to be found when youth group starts, you know you've got trouble. Christianity to them is pathetic and irrelevant. And even to the older kids who have grown up going to church, thanking God for Jesus is an amusing afterthought. I have spent so much time telling other leaders that God will be the one to move the hearts of whom he chooses in any manner of ways but now I feel that I could end up blaming myself. What aren't I doing? What can I be doing better? Is it me? Gosh. Self-absorbed much.
Experiences like this make the idea of MTS more attractive. Best to make the mistakes and figure out ministry during a time when it's expected that you'll make mistakes and there are people there to help you figure it out.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
I know perfectly well how I breathe.
In the car listening to Richard Mercer's love song dedications tonight. Kind of dig it just because it's been around for pretty much forever and I like nostalgia. But I've struggled to listen to love songs in general lately. Not because my heart is breaking or anything, but because, well, I feel as though the lyrics can sometimes be... idolatrous. Think I'm being dramatic? Well then.
Exhibit A:
How do I breathe
Without you here by my side
How will I see
When your love brought me to the light
Where do I go
When your hearts where I lay my head
When you're not with me
How do I breathe
How do I breathe
I really don't like these words at all. Not if they're dedicated to another human being. A lot of the time I don't feel I can sing the lyrics of love songs to any one but God. God is the centre of my world and the reason why I breathe and 'the one' I'm looking for and the one who 'completes me' and [insert lovers cliche here]. It's kind of frustrating to listen to. Jesus! I want to shout at the singer. What you really, truly want is Jesus! People are so desperate for an all-fulfilling and faithful relationship but often find nothing but pain and disappointment because humans are sinners and fragile, temporary beings. I couldn't rest my entire reason for being in another human. Don't get me wrong, I know that we're made for relationships and they're wonderful and feelings are strong but if I get to the stage where I'm singing lyrics like that about a guy and really mean them please do me a favour and snap me out of it.
EDIT
Ok, thought about this a little more. My comments now seem kind of naive, or at least could come across that way. I still think those lyrics are stupid and that mostly people are singing of relationships and significant others as though there really is no other purpose to life and obviously this is antithetical to the Christian worldview. But, I suppose in another sense when a man and woman are married they do complete each other - they're one flesh. I don't want to take that for granted either. All I'm saying is, the ultimate relationsip is the one between a sinner and God made possible by the blood of Jesus. And that is all I'm going to say about that.
Exhibit A:
How do I breathe
Without you here by my side
How will I see
When your love brought me to the light
Where do I go
When your hearts where I lay my head
When you're not with me
How do I breathe
How do I breathe
I really don't like these words at all. Not if they're dedicated to another human being. A lot of the time I don't feel I can sing the lyrics of love songs to any one but God. God is the centre of my world and the reason why I breathe and 'the one' I'm looking for and the one who 'completes me' and [insert lovers cliche here]. It's kind of frustrating to listen to. Jesus! I want to shout at the singer. What you really, truly want is Jesus! People are so desperate for an all-fulfilling and faithful relationship but often find nothing but pain and disappointment because humans are sinners and fragile, temporary beings. I couldn't rest my entire reason for being in another human. Don't get me wrong, I know that we're made for relationships and they're wonderful and feelings are strong but if I get to the stage where I'm singing lyrics like that about a guy and really mean them please do me a favour and snap me out of it.
EDIT
Ok, thought about this a little more. My comments now seem kind of naive, or at least could come across that way. I still think those lyrics are stupid and that mostly people are singing of relationships and significant others as though there really is no other purpose to life and obviously this is antithetical to the Christian worldview. But, I suppose in another sense when a man and woman are married they do complete each other - they're one flesh. I don't want to take that for granted either. All I'm saying is, the ultimate relationsip is the one between a sinner and God made possible by the blood of Jesus. And that is all I'm going to say about that.
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