Something is bothering me. It's my writing. What I choose to write about. The way I write about it. It makes me seem... angry. When people ask me about re-adjusting post India or what the most difficult thing was, I have no answer. I always seem to reply "It was only 3 and a half weeks. It wasn't enough time to truly turn my world upside down." Examining my thoughts and words over the past month though would seem to suggest otherwise. I wasn't unaware of poverty and suffering before I left for India. I wasn't unaffected by it before I got on the plane. But I've realised that anger and confusion is lying beneath the surface and is more palpable than before.
I know it and I've said it: the world is full of sin, creation is broken, poverty will never be history. But I say it with such anger, I don't think that I've truly accepted it or that I'm truly trusting God. I do think it is ok to be angered by world poverty but maybe the fact that I'm saying things like: "Well I don't want a Valentine's rose because I feel guilty about such luxury" (which is what I was effectively saying in my last post), indicates that I have to sort some things out. I fully appreciate how beautiful flowers are and like any girl would ordinarily be so happy to receive them. And yet, I recently deemed them a waste. Who am I???
The point is, I don't want to keep being so consistently upset with the way the world is. I'm spending so much time worrying about poverty that I'm missing the beautiful things that God created and has given us as well. I don't want to be thankful just because I have it better, I want to be thankful because God is good, all the time, whether you have a little or a lot. I saw God at work in Varanasi. In so many ways. I know that he cares for his people. But something in me is still clearly not at peace and I don't want it to taint my words anymore. Therefore I'm on a blogging hiatus until my words reflect on and remind the reader of how wonderful God is, instead of dwelling on how awful and selfish the world is. I don't really believe that my past posts have been encouraging or useful and I could've expressed myself in a more appropriate manner.
I just need time and prayer and my bible. I won't discover anything for myself. God will teach me his ways and until then, I'm going to wait until I can string together a sentence that displays godly wisdom as opposed to emotional freak.
Note: This writing hiatus does NOT extend to Tharunka. But if I happen to enlist your services as an editor, please tell me if I'm being too sarcastic/aggressive/whatever...
Peace.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Lighten up, they say.
"Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away.
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day..."
I went to a St. Barnabas seniors meeting last week. It was, as Isobel put it, like stepping into a time warp. We sang old songs accompanied by an organ, there was a health spot, a joke spot and the chairs had cushions on them. Being on uni holidays and somewhat unemployed (3 hours of tutoring a week barely seems like employment at this stage), it fell to me to give a presentation on India to this lovely group of people. I spoke for at least 15-20 minutes, smiling with delight at those who nodded enthusiastically and with slight exasperation at those who were nodding off. Can't be helped when you get to a certain age I suppose. As I was leaving, I was presented with a gift of scorched almonds and a photo frame. Isn't that nice? And kind of funny? I wish seniors were apt with Facebook. Or rather... more seniors were like John Cochrane who is 70 and totally has Facebook and takes pictures with his camera phone. Legendary. Or I could've done something really crazy and gotten addresses and written letters to the new friends I made. Post still exists, you know. One of my most favourite things these days is getting a letter from my friend Stephanie who is on exchange in Germany. I'm very thankful that I gave her a letter writing set as a parting gift because a Facebook wall comment, indeed even a detailed email, has got absolutely nothing on the time and effort spent to compose handwritten pages.
Happy Valentine's Day. I'm a little indifferent to this holiday. And I really don't believe that would change whether I was in a relationship or not, which I know is the first thing you're thinking. Valentine's Day sells love short in my opinion. It's all about flowers and chocolate and teddy bears - it places too much emphasis on material items to express the most deep and powerful and complex emotion of all. If you're in love, I'm very happy for you. Enjoy today if it means something special to you. But I guess I'm hoping that eventually, everyday will feel like Valentine's Day because I'm with someone who is showing their love in ways that are a little more constant and original. No flowers. No chocolates. No stuffed toys. No cards. Absolutely no jewellery. That would be my policy if a certain somebody insisted on getting me a gift. And I'd rather that he donated it or something. Honestly.
I get to celebrate God's love everyday. Jesus doesn't offer prettily wrapped gifts or candy hearts, but I get salvation by his blood and that's what love really looks like. If this means nothing to you, then your perception of love is but a mere shadow of what it could be. You're only catching a glimpse of what it is to be loved:
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39
I wrote it in lead pencil down the side of a white chest of drawers next to my bed. Lest I should forget! No Hallmark card can promise love like that.
Moving on yet again:
"It struck me as incomprehensible that I should be allowed to lead such a happy life, while I saw so many people around me wrestling with care and suffering... Then one brilliant summer morning... there came to me, as I awoke, the thought that I must not accept this happiness as a matter of course, but must give something in return for it."
-Albert Schweitzer
Sorry I couldn't maintain the whole simply-recalling-a-light-hearted-memory-for-your-enjoyment tone. I can't help it. Even when I'm not expecting to, I find I have something to say.
But that's why you keep reading, right?
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day..."
I went to a St. Barnabas seniors meeting last week. It was, as Isobel put it, like stepping into a time warp. We sang old songs accompanied by an organ, there was a health spot, a joke spot and the chairs had cushions on them. Being on uni holidays and somewhat unemployed (3 hours of tutoring a week barely seems like employment at this stage), it fell to me to give a presentation on India to this lovely group of people. I spoke for at least 15-20 minutes, smiling with delight at those who nodded enthusiastically and with slight exasperation at those who were nodding off. Can't be helped when you get to a certain age I suppose. As I was leaving, I was presented with a gift of scorched almonds and a photo frame. Isn't that nice? And kind of funny? I wish seniors were apt with Facebook. Or rather... more seniors were like John Cochrane who is 70 and totally has Facebook and takes pictures with his camera phone. Legendary. Or I could've done something really crazy and gotten addresses and written letters to the new friends I made. Post still exists, you know. One of my most favourite things these days is getting a letter from my friend Stephanie who is on exchange in Germany. I'm very thankful that I gave her a letter writing set as a parting gift because a Facebook wall comment, indeed even a detailed email, has got absolutely nothing on the time and effort spent to compose handwritten pages.
Happy Valentine's Day. I'm a little indifferent to this holiday. And I really don't believe that would change whether I was in a relationship or not, which I know is the first thing you're thinking. Valentine's Day sells love short in my opinion. It's all about flowers and chocolate and teddy bears - it places too much emphasis on material items to express the most deep and powerful and complex emotion of all. If you're in love, I'm very happy for you. Enjoy today if it means something special to you. But I guess I'm hoping that eventually, everyday will feel like Valentine's Day because I'm with someone who is showing their love in ways that are a little more constant and original. No flowers. No chocolates. No stuffed toys. No cards. Absolutely no jewellery. That would be my policy if a certain somebody insisted on getting me a gift. And I'd rather that he donated it or something. Honestly.
I get to celebrate God's love everyday. Jesus doesn't offer prettily wrapped gifts or candy hearts, but I get salvation by his blood and that's what love really looks like. If this means nothing to you, then your perception of love is but a mere shadow of what it could be. You're only catching a glimpse of what it is to be loved:
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39
I wrote it in lead pencil down the side of a white chest of drawers next to my bed. Lest I should forget! No Hallmark card can promise love like that.
Moving on yet again:
"It struck me as incomprehensible that I should be allowed to lead such a happy life, while I saw so many people around me wrestling with care and suffering... Then one brilliant summer morning... there came to me, as I awoke, the thought that I must not accept this happiness as a matter of course, but must give something in return for it."
-Albert Schweitzer
Sorry I couldn't maintain the whole simply-recalling-a-light-hearted-memory-for-your-enjoyment tone. I can't help it. Even when I'm not expecting to, I find I have something to say.
But that's why you keep reading, right?
Friday, February 6, 2009
Complacency Kills
Millions have died in civil wars over diamonds.
People are enslaved for the farming of cocoa and of coffee beans.
Sweatshops the world over make people suffer for the sake of opportunity cost.
Children are armed before they learn to read.
People die from preventable diseases.
Walking kilometres to a contaminated water supply is the only option.
Bellies are bloated because of a lack of food.
- - - -
We wear the conflict diamonds.
Our coffee, chocolate and clothes are cheaper.
We believe our children have the right to education.
People stick needles in their forehead to look younger.
Our pets drink filtered water.
Our country suffers from an obesity ‘epidemic’.
- - - -
It just kind of overwhelms me sometimes. How could you ever love the world? How could you ever love the things of this world? Knowing that you have them because someone else is being broken for your luxury? Everything is tainted by suffering.
Money won’t fix it.
Diplomacy won’t fix it.
Policy changes won’t fix it.
International government organisations won’t fix it.
Charity organisations won’t fix it.
Bono won’t fix it.
Because if the world really wanted to, it could have done it by now. Creation is broken. Poverty will never be history.
Love, hope, faith, my trust in Jesus –they’re the only things that keep me from being sucked into the lie that this world can make you happy. No matter how much you have, you’ll always want more. Chasing after prosperity is chasing after the wind. It’s a life of constant competition and inadequacy as your worth is measured by your prestige and wealth. It’s a life that leads to inevitable dissatisfaction because there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Right now, as you are, you are rich. Disgustingly so. You want of nothing. Except for better than you already have. Do you not see? Do you not know?
If we stop to think about these things it’s only for a moment. How terrible. How shocking. It is unjust.
But we’re comfortable here. And they continue to suffer.
I don’t want to live in blissful ignorance.
People are enslaved for the farming of cocoa and of coffee beans.
Sweatshops the world over make people suffer for the sake of opportunity cost.
Children are armed before they learn to read.
People die from preventable diseases.
Walking kilometres to a contaminated water supply is the only option.
Bellies are bloated because of a lack of food.
- - - -
We wear the conflict diamonds.
Our coffee, chocolate and clothes are cheaper.
We believe our children have the right to education.
People stick needles in their forehead to look younger.
Our pets drink filtered water.
Our country suffers from an obesity ‘epidemic’.
- - - -
It just kind of overwhelms me sometimes. How could you ever love the world? How could you ever love the things of this world? Knowing that you have them because someone else is being broken for your luxury? Everything is tainted by suffering.
Money won’t fix it.
Diplomacy won’t fix it.
Policy changes won’t fix it.
International government organisations won’t fix it.
Charity organisations won’t fix it.
Bono won’t fix it.
Because if the world really wanted to, it could have done it by now. Creation is broken. Poverty will never be history.
Love, hope, faith, my trust in Jesus –they’re the only things that keep me from being sucked into the lie that this world can make you happy. No matter how much you have, you’ll always want more. Chasing after prosperity is chasing after the wind. It’s a life of constant competition and inadequacy as your worth is measured by your prestige and wealth. It’s a life that leads to inevitable dissatisfaction because there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Right now, as you are, you are rich. Disgustingly so. You want of nothing. Except for better than you already have. Do you not see? Do you not know?
If we stop to think about these things it’s only for a moment. How terrible. How shocking. It is unjust.
But we’re comfortable here. And they continue to suffer.
I don’t want to live in blissful ignorance.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)