Just random stuff I wanted to share.

1. I missed out on NTE but I certainly didn't miss out on mission. Even if I'd trekked out to Canberra, I'd definitely have come back to Fairfield for mission because so much was happening. For once I was on the outside though. I watched the team of 18 from Townsville/Northern Territory work their butts off. I could hardly believe it. I know that's what you do when you're on mission. You throw yourself into it, you're of the mindset that you can rest when you get home. But it still blew me away how determined these students were to serve us. I know how exhausted they must have been, yet they were completely self-sacrifical. Can you get that apart from Christ?

2. One person in particular who was on the team humbled me very much. Her name is Esther Staines. If the name Graham Staines means nothing to you, Wiki can provide a quick overview here. I couldn't believe it when I saw her name listed among the students. Surely it wasn't the same girl... The same girl whom I'd heard quoted by everyone from John Piper to Carmelina Reed. But after several conversations with her and others my thoughts were confirmed. I couldn't bring myself to ask many questions about the situation but we did share what we loved about India and all I really had to do to be encouraged by her was... watch. Everything from the clothes she wore to her interaction with others to the way she would stick it out handing out fliers while everyone else had gone to sleep in the sun - she is a woman of God, through and through.

3. A little discouraged by the reaction of yrs 7-9 at Bossley Park High today to our Christmas assembly. I guess it just made me aware of how serious it is to turn your back on God. Unbelief is truly a sin. It hurt so much to hear and see people totally reject the Gospel.

4. But still really excited about ministry in Fairfield in general: the Scripture teachers who will be employed to work full-time in the area in 2010, our assistant minister Steve Frederick starting his multicultural church plant in Fairfield next year and all the contacts he is making, the South West theological college and conference getting off the ground, how supportive Fairfield markets has been and God providing us with free stalls over Christmas... Barneys in Bossley Park is seriously a powerhouse I'm so blessed to be there.

That's all.

Vent.

I've hit a wall. Frustratingly enough, I feel that NTE09 would have helped me to smash through it. I need to be pushed. I need something to engage with. I need a challenge. I need a reminder. I need perspective. I need to examine my heart. Rather, I need God to do so. I need... ?

A BA is good for something.

I miss intellectual stimulus. I actually miss philosophy. It stretched me. It forced me to read and research because my beliefs were attacked from all sides. I needed to know why I should stick to them. I don't have much to blog about these days. What can you post about when your mind has gone soft?

New blog.

I have posted naught but crapola on this blog for a while now and I think it's time to move on. I have started up another blog that I feel will be far more useful:

http://southwestministry.blogspot.com/

I guess the title is pretty self-explanatory. I might let this blog linger for a little while longer but I think I may end up deleting it. Just a heads up.

Wake up!

The more that I get together with people from the South-West to discuss ministry in the South-West, I become more excited and, paradoxically, more appalled. There is so much potential here. It's insane. The South-West of Sydney is the most multicultural region of one of the most multicultural nations on Earth. I don't think you could number the different people groups, languages, nations that are represented here, it is a truly unique demographic. More than that, it's a mission field. Ok, everywhere is a mission field but, oh my goodness, why can't people see it? The South-West is the back door to the rest of the world! People have come from their closed countries and are just walking around waiting to hear about Jesus! There are whole churches in the South-West of people who used to be Muslim and now they are saved by grace! It is them that we need - because they then can go back to their countries, to their own people, whom they know best, and do God's saving work. It's ridiculous. How are we just letting these opportunities fly by? You don't need to go to Yemen, go to Fairfield! You will find someone from Yemen! Strategy. I flipping hate that word. Here's a strategy for you: preach Jesus to the South-West of Sydney and I'm telling you that you will reach the nations. Thank you Lord for opening my eyes!

Latest thoughts on women preachers.

Believe me, I have many, but I just know that I'm going to come across as completely ungracious, as I'm sure so often happens when I blog. Also, I don't even know where to start.

In a nutshell, right now, I'm quite happy with complementarian theology (no surprises there), although I do think there might be a case for women preaching under the authority of men. Yet my concessions on this only exist because of inconsistencies I've heard that are so ridiculous I think that they might as well. The other day I also had another thought - female missionaries who have taught God's Word to men and it seems as though He truly used them for that purpose as opposed to smiting them because they dared to teach the opposite sex.

Two other thoughts I'll mention (why does everything come to me in two's?).

I guess when I think of the women who I look to as godly examples, I'm looking to women who strongly adhere to comp-ism. None of the women I look to (Isobel Lin, Carmelina Read, Tara Thornley, Nicole Starling, Di Warren, Ainsley Poulos...) feel the need to teach men nor is it something that they feel the need to 'fight' for. I believe that God made men and women fundamentally different and therefore our roles in ministry will be different. Being a woman is not easy. Teaching women to be godly in this day and age has got to be an incredibly difficult task. There is so much to battle against. On top of this, women are responsible for their families, for their homes and for supporting their husbands. It takes a lot of strength, integrity and security in your God-given role to accept this and as opposed to lamenting the fact that women are apparently 'oppressed' by the church because they can't get up and preach, I'd rather do a damn good job of fulfilling the roles that I know without a shred of a doubt are mine. On top of this - there seems to be fewer and fewer men going into ministry. What's needed now is a focus on men and I think women should be encouraging them to take leadership. But this should not be at the expense of limiting women's roles or diminishing them - womens ministry is so important, there is so much for us to do and to lead in...

Why must women want to teach men? Are their other roles not as important? Are they lesser? Women have so many opportunities for ministry, that's been my experience anyway. I have my hands quite full without wanting to preach to a congregation at some stage. I get the whole 'gift-based' view, but where does that end? If you follow the thoughts through to its logical conclusion then... anyone should be able to use that argument to get up and teach.

I think that's all I feel like sharing for now.

The ultimate guy filtering system.

1. Ask God (then ask Him again, and once more...)
2. Must be screened by Peter Lin
3. Must ask my father's permission
4. Ask God

Some say that the thought of this gruelling process will have all potential suitors running 100 miles in the opposite direction and will result in my being single for the rest of my earthly existence. What? Like that's a bad thing?

I say that it shall sort the men from the boys.

Forgiveness.

I had an epiphany today. I finally understood something. Properly. I was not doing anything particularly spectacular, just ironing lots of clothes, but I suppose the good thing about such a mundane task is that it leaves you free to think. I'm not entirely sure how I got on to pondering the nature of forgiveness but as I was doing so, something suddenly hit me. It's probably something that a lot of other people know, in fact it's probably something that I've always known but I maintain that there's a difference between knowing something and actually getting it. I think I finally get forgiveness.

This is going to sound painfully obvious but honestly, it was incredibly profound for me. Forgiveness means: not holding the hurtful actions of another person against them. It means, you don't use their past against them as a weapon. It means that they have a clean slate with you. You let it go. You love and serve that person as though nothing had ever happened.

But isn't that insane? How difficult is forgiveness? As soon as I understood this, I thought of people in my life whom I thought I had forgiven. Yet, so often, even if it is in my own mind, I dwell on past hurts and disappointments and try to justify my bitterness. That is not the attitude of someone who claims to have forgiven!

I try to rationalise my anger. Some hurts are too deep. The offence was unforgivable. They haven't learnt...

Then later today I read the story of ten-year-old Namrata. She is a little girl who lives in Orissa, in India. Christians in Orissa are currently under intense persecution from Hindu radicals. Namrata's family came under attack and a bomb was left in a bedroom cupboard. Once the intruders had left, all emerged from their hiding places and left the home - all except for Namrata who stayed inside to inspect the damage. The bomb exploded; shrapnel and flames wounded her face, hands and back. This is what she had to say:

"... we forgive the Hindu radicals who attacked us, who burned our homes. They were out of their minds, they do not know the love of Jesus. For this reason, I now want to study so that when I am older I can tell everyone how much Jesus loves us. This is my future. I want to dedicate my life to spreading the Gospel."

Words cannot express how great is the faith of this little girl or the grace of the amazing God who gave it to her. A ten-year-old girl, who has lived a bare existence and has suffered in ways that I can't even dream of, understands forgiveness better than I. She understands the nature of forgiveness because she understands the love of Christ and the pain he suffered that we might have forgiveness from God.

And therein lies my true understanding. I have offended God in every way possible. Over and over again. I cannot stop. Yet does he hold even one action against me? I crucify my Lord every day and he forgives me every day.

I don't have the right to bear a grudge. There is nothing that anyone could ever possibly do to me that would justify my withholding forgiveness, and I should offer that forgiveness not just with words, but from the bottom of my heart. If I understand the forgiveness of sins granted to me, I can joyfully and sincerely say, to anybody, for anything - I forgive you.

The Soup Ark plug.

The more 'God-related' stuff I post on Facebook, the less Facebook friends I seem to have. Maybe it's coincidence. Maybe I'm still an arsehole. Haha.

Anyway, for some thoughts that are actually worth reading go visit Sue.

I'm an arsehole.

Ok that may be quite a confronting title and well, go figure, because it was inspired by those crazy kids over at Tharunka.

Dear Tharunks,

Most of us have, at some point in our lives, been arseholes. For some this is a fleeting, transitory stage; for others, not. Either way, why not memorialise your arseholiness in Tharunka? We are looking for people to send us a brief paragraph about a period in their lives during which they were an arsehole...

I was reading an old diary a few days ago. Year 9. O, the angst! I couldn't believe what I was reading. Surely that wasn't me? Surely I was never that catty, selfish and so utterly blind to the goodness of God? Frankly, I was an arsehole.

Here is what I am musing over. Do I reply to Tharunka? Do I dare express my transition from arsehole to follower of Jesus? I can hear it already, though. So being a Christian makes you perfect, then? Is everyone who is not a Christian automatically an arsehole?

Answer: We're all arseholes. The difference is that a Christian is willing to admit it, is willing to concede that the world is messed up because of it and Jesus died on the cross to redeem us from it.

How to not come across as holier-than-thou or as though I'm desperately trying to evangelise - that's my issue. I suppose I'd just tell the truth. I didn't want to be an arsehole anymore. Once I understood what Jesus did I started to live out the life I was born for. Yeah. I believe I actually became less of an arsehole.

So what about people who are just really... nice and great and who aren't arseholes or Christians? Good for them. But when God's standard is perfection, who can stand tall? And how to deal with the injustices caused by the rest of the arseholes whom you are apparently 'better than?' Good luck in trying to find a reason for getting along with the world when you don't have Jesus to motivate you. Without God, it's a free for all. But here we get into the murky waters of whether or not morals exist without God and by this time I'm pretty sure I've already exceeded the limit of a brief paragraph.

Argh! There's so much I feel I need to explain or justify. I'll see what I can come up with. I've put Tharunka to one side for quite a while now...

Think, Christine, think!

Life update.

Because I've been inspired by Caroline.

Here are some things I have been up to lately.

Firstly and most significantly, I still don't have a job. Truthfully, I haven't been trying all that hard but secondly, opportunities seem very limited. I've been to Parramatta, downtown Fairfield, applied to office and even cafe jobs in the city and nothing. God clearly has something else for me.

In the meantime, I have been doing domestic things and spending time with my family and actually serving them. I realised that I haven't been home to spend time with my family really since the end of high school. Being home three nights in a row to cook dinner has been weird but obviously it has been nice to actually be around to be a daughter. Normally I'd be home late from uni or whatever, if I got to have dinner with my family that was a once a week occurrence. Anyway. It's nice.

I visited uni this week because I wanted to catch the UNSW presentation of the Global Poverty Project. I was excited to see some Oaktree friends, but disappointed that Hugh Evans didn't actually present. Simon is awesome but I've already met him! I bet Hugh will be at USyd. Grrr. The presentation was inspiring, but having done development studies myself it was quite idealistic. I guess it served its purpose though.

I spent most of my time on campus catching up with people which was nice but strangely, I kind of removed myself from the mission events. I guess I couldn't do two things at once but anyway.

I've started visiting youth group this term because I'll finally, finally be a leader come term 4. I'm really excited about this. I'm still taking the lunchtime group at my old high school on Fridays with Kate and some new kids are coming along which has been very encouraging. We're reading through Acts. 6UP on Sunday is also still a lot of fun and I really love getting to know better the girls who I will be leading at youth group.

Pete's on long service leave ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

And one of my most favourite people in the world has been accepted by CMS and will be going to St Andrews Hall next year. Barely anyone reads this anyway so I'm going to announced to nobody in particular that this person is Kate.

I don't like my new cookbook. Too many obscure ingredients...

I'm currently reading God's Politics by Jim Wallis which is quite interesting and addresses the fact that the Republicans and Democrats totally get it wrong when it comes to issues of church and state and although it focuses on American politics it has given me something to think about when I go to vote as a Christian. I'll blog about it later because it's been helpful. I saw Jim Wallis speak at USyd last year but I don't think I took very much away from it. I guess that's my latest 'research project', as it were. I didn't get very far with bioethics. All I found was an article in a copy of Kategoria. But I'll keep an eye out.

And this has been another boring life update :)

I can't really title my thoughts.

This whole Reformed Charismatic thing. Perhaps it is reactionary. Perhaps it is an attempt to breathe some life into the purely intellectual understanding of faith that many seem to have. Or rather, it just seems that way. Dry, boring, conservative Sydney Anglicans. I remember looking around from the first few front rows at EQUIP and wondering why the women around me weren't singing with joy. Or at least with a smile on their face. Or at least like they meant the words they were singing. So many young people now want to see revival. That seems to be a popular word right now. We want passion and action and for people to maybe put their faith into practise. Faith is certainly personal but it is never private. The world should know.

I think that the Reformed Charismatic movement should wake up the Sydney Anglicans. The Connect09 initiative has been brilliant but what is it about us that makes us seem so... er, boring? We don't preach a prosperity gospel. We don't overwhelm with pop music and smoke machines. We teach the Word. And for me, that should be enough. That should be all it takes. Knowing and understanding the Gospel should be all it takes to get a response from people. I'll be bold enough to say that my faith hasn't been lying dormant. I want to tell people. I want people to know. I'll do whatever it takes. And I know lots of people like that too. Why are people looking for certain experiences, emotions... Decent teaching of the word should provoke a deep and sincere response. Jesus died for you, what more do you want? If this in itself doesn't make you see your own sinfulness, feel desperately grateful and joyful, you're starting off on the wrong foot. I don't know. I don't know what people are looking for. But obviously there is something lacking in the expression of faith amongst Sydney Anglicans. I think the next generation is more vocal and excited about their faith and I can't wait to see what God will do in the next ten years or so but right now... It seems like some peoples have gotta step up their game.

My Homer Simpson moment.

Substitute "bbq pit" for "Singapore noodles dish".

*Looking at picture in cookbook*
"That's one fine lookin' Singapore noodles dish..."

*Looking at congealed mess in pot on stove*
"Why doesn't mine look like that?!"

And now I must go clean up the mess. It's wicked depressing. On the plus side, I will soon be putting a blueberry danish in the oven (store bought), and that's gotta be almost impossible to screw up. But you never know.

Matchmaker or meddler?

I do like you Carolyn McCulley and I'm sure that 'Will and Anna' are very happy together but whenever my friends try to play crush catalyst, I seriously consider DE-FRIENDING them.

Are there any thoughts on whether or not we should make it our personal mission to go around encouraging married people to introduce their single friends to each other?

Come to think of it, Michelle's 22nd birthday invite claims that we should come along for the sake of finding a wife or husband. All in good fun.

As for me, I can't stop cringing. Desperate it all screams, desperate!

A helpful blog.

Who needs The Australian when you've got Besty blogging everything you need to know?

That's another thing I miss about not being on campus. My 75c newspaper.

Allow me to elaborate.

The last three sentences were provoked by this blog post.

Wendy warns against the trap of falling into complementarian idolatory. That is, the Christian woman's focus may no longer be a career or fashion, but simply shifting that focus to being a stellar cook and perfect housekeeper is really no better. If Jesus is not the grounds for your actions - you can be sure you've just moved from one idol to another. What's more, if you can't actually play the part of domestic goddess very well, then it can only end in self-condemnation.

But as Wendy reminds us:

Thankfully, God has worked long and hard to free me from finding my identity and self worth in either my job at the community college or my house keeping skills. He has been prying out of my grasp all those things I look to daily for self worth. Instead, He is replacing my quest for identity with the gift of Himself.

Once we understand that the spiritual blessings we have received in Christ are the fundamental basis for all that we are, that God's grace and the promise of eternal life are the reasons why we get up in the morning, then -

I can move from finding either self worth or self condemnation in my home keeping skills. Oddly enough, I usually feel much more equipped to do the things I need to do to keep my home functioning in God-honoring ways once I lose my grip on it in terms of self-identity. I have found that God is pretty jealous and quite willing to frustrate my attempts to find my worth in anything other than His finished work for me on the cross.

So although I'm putting in an unprecedented amount of effort in learning to cook (for reasons spurred on by wanting to be a decent wife and mother because I've accepted that women are to play that role as God intended blah blah), if I fail miserably, I won't mind so much because it doesn't mean that I've been unable to fulfill my ultimate purpose. My ultimate purpose is to glorify God. This is achievable regardless of culinary skills or rather, despite them.

Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to figure out what it looks like to be a godly woman, whether in ministry or in the family context, etc. There's no formula or perfect model. Really, all I need is someone to shout at me: "Jesus! Follow Jesus! Listen to Jesus! He tells you how to live! Listen and you'll be ok!" I'm pretty sure that's all I need.

Sharp reminder.

My identity, my worth as a woman, the person I was born to be: it's all found in Christ.

Just because a woman can cook and is impeccably neat, does not make her more godly than I.

Thank goodness for that.

True freedom.

"Freedom does include doing what we want to do, but the mature and wise woman does not seek this freedom by bending reality to fit her desires. She seeks it by being transformed in the renewal of her desires to fit in with God's perfect will. The greatest freedom is found in being so changed by God's Spirit that you can do what you love to do and know that it conforms to the design of God and leads to life and glory."

- John Piper

Freedom in marriage?

In year 8 we had compulsory cooking classes. I didn't pay attention as we cooked potato au gratin or quiches - why should I? It's not like my place was in the kitchen or anything. I have actively avoided that area for most of my life and apparently now I am making up for lost time. As of today I am the proud owner of a beautiful red cookbook from The Australian Women's Weekly: How To Cook Absolutely Everything. I'm about to try my hand at chicken cacciatore, here's hoping it's not a disaster.

Anyway, as I thumbed through this cookbook I began to think about why it was suddenly so important to me that I learn how to prepare edible food. Probably when I started to realise that men and women did have different roles, as ordained by God and yes I accepted that women are helpers. We are complementary to men.

Then I struggled with this for a moment. Mulling over my future, for once, I thought about the reality of being married. Not just the oh-he's-the-kind-of-guy-and-that's-what-my-dress-would-look-like kind of fantasy but the fact that my plans, my hopes would all be tied to his. What if they weren't the same? What would I have to sacrifice? And once I was married and had children - is that it? Years at uni, the years I hope to spend at Moore College, what do they mean when you're a housewife? I noticed on Nicole's blog today that the years she worked are referred to as her 'previous life'.

And for a minute I considered being totally selfish. Suppose I stayed single for the sake of ministry? Or would it be for my own sake?

But as I considered the women around me, I realised that I was so wrong. I thought that I'd love to just chat to Nicole about a typical day in her life (although I suppose her blog is enough for that), and I'd just want to know how it is that she doesn't feel... restricted. Then I remembered that I have Isobel Lin to talk to who is just as awesome and despite the fact that she is married and has three children is actively involved in ministry and chairs EQUIP for goodness sake.

I just needed a reminder. Being married and having children won't be the end of my life. Well, it might be the end of one life, but it will be the beginning of another. And although I haven't got a hope of understanding it now, it will be a life that will bring more joy than I thought possible and which can never be compensated by the unlimited freedom I think is so attractive now.

Regardless, at only 20 years of age I think I'm at perfect liberty to guard my freedom jealously. I'm not ready yet, I don't apologise for this and I don't really think it's that big a deal. I won't be engaged at 21. So freaking what?

In the meantime, I'm preparing myself to be the best wife I can be and I think that future husband will appreciate that far more than my lamenting the fact that he hasn't turned up yet.

My backyard.

I live across the road from the Western Sydney Regional Park. It's a wonder I don't spend more time there. As a form of escape, a place for a quiet time - it's hard to beat.

Explanation.

I'd really like to explain properly my decision not to come back next semester. It seems that if I took my own advice, I'd be 'sucking it up' and 'thinking' with the rest of you. Truly I'm not doing this just because I want to have some money behind me, it's so much more than that. CBS is such a big part of me, campus ministry is a blessing and this year's mission looks incredible - this was not an easy decision. There are things that even I won't share on blogspot and they're the reasons why I need to do this.

It's just... what I said at MYC and what I'm actually doing seem to be inconsistent. I feel I need to justify my actions. Sometimes things are out of our hands and right now I'm walking by faith because it's all that I can do.

The way for me to glorify God this semester is to not be on campus. It sounds ridiculous but for me it holds true. And even if it was the wrong choice to make, I find comfort in the fact that God works through those mistakes too.

God knows what He's doing, even if I don't.

Random thought.

Election makes more sense. Of course God would have to first call you to live for Him. Who would simply choose the cross-shaped life?

Just a thought.

Two Things.

1. How much room do we give God to work? I've been thinking. What's new. Anyway, so it seems as though I'm destined to follow this path. It's all laid out before me: finish uni, work, bible college, then go into ministry, then be a missionary...
This is the cycle. Or chuck in a year or two of MTS as opposed to two years of secular work, whatever. It just strikes me... So many of the amazing people I've read about didn't follow this plan. As though this plan will produce the most qualified, most faithful ministers or something. I'm going to sound like a whiney teenager but why must I finish uni? Why must I do this and then that? Why do I have to follow this Sydney Anglican formula? It's as though I need to do everything that I can, I have to cultivate all these skills in a particular way - where is the room for God to shape me? My point is, if I pulled a Gladys Aylward on y'all and left independently for China tomorrow I'm pretty sure I'd be ex-communicated or something. Maybe I'm just having one of those moments but why is it that the path to teaching God's Word is so rigid? Well, ok, I already know the answer to that question. Next point.

2. The Bible is the ultimate authority. It's inspired by God, it's His Word, it's complete. Everyone agrees. Or do they? While trying to understand the hermeneutic behind women preachers I've read arguments saying something along the lines of: "well, ministry hadn't progressed that far so Paul couldn't have confirmed the roles of women teaching in his letters" which to me seems to be saying that God forgot to give us more information. Or this commentary on Romans that I've started reading by John Stott has Bible scholars claiming Paul didn't even know his own mind when it came to the law, things like that. So where do you draw the line? Is the Bible authoritative or not? Question it, totally. If there's a question to be asked, believe me I will be the first to ask it. But the way people interpret things sometimes, the way the Word of God is sometimes treated with such uncertainty, I wonder if people remember that God is actually responsible for it and I highly doubt He's now seriously concerned that He forgot to add Appendix A: What To Do In Event Of Robot Take-Over (added now because obviously Paul didn't have to deal with bioethics).

I think you've gathered this is another one of my confusing rants that I don't expect anyone to understand but this stuff honestly goes on in my head.

Er.

Some of my posts lately are just short and stupid because barely anybody reads my blogs so I don't really care. But that's not a very good attitude to have and everything I do should be to glorify God, even in blogland.

Perhaps I should actually start using my Twitter account for those times when I only have three sentences to share and I should only blog when I've actually thought something through?

Nah forget Twitter. But I should definitely only blog if I feel like I have something that's worth sharing, i.e. I've researched, thought about it, or I've honestly been challenged or encouraged.

Keep me accountable, oh-kay?

Reformed charismatics.

What's the deal, man?

Sound doctrine + arms waving in the air = reformed charismatic?

I dunno.

Can't help it.

So my new thing is theology and bioethics because Nick Ryan thinks (no wait, knows: "I'm not joking!"), that soon we will have to deal with technology so sophisticated that it will produce robots that actually believe they are Christian and will turn up at our churches and we'll have to either accept them or tell them actually, you're not real and God hasn't saved you.

I went to a website Nick suggested: ted.com, which features nothing but videos on the latest scientific and technological developments. But honestly, unless your name is John Piper, I am not going to listen to you for 20 minutes.

Anyway. "What will you do?", asks Nick. We'll be accountable to crazy robots and a society that has gone mad with progress. What will the Christian say?

The real question here, which is not a new one, is simply "what is a human being?". So I'm thinking I'll have to look into the Christian doctrine of humanity or something. But considering he almost had everyone convinced that a robot take-over was inevitable, I'm going to do some reading.

I haven't finished with women preachers yet but while I'm still unemployed, gotta do something productive. Trust me to start looking for work when the market is the harshest that it's been in something like 12 years.

"Got a job yet?"
"No. But I totally know how contemporary bio-technologies impact on our understanding and treatment of humans!"
*cough*

What really matters.

I'm posting this story here, because it is a good reminder of the one constant truth that binds all Christians. Sometimes I feel worn down by divisions over certain issues and the fact that I feel I need to come to a decision on certain things. Jesus' death and resurrection trumps it all. I love perspective.

From Tara's note:

Taken from "Views From A Bouncy Castle" by Adrian Plass. This short story makes me smile, and wish that like children, we could be as easy to teach, correct and rebuke.

"Much more than recently, in the year when Katy became three, I strolled into the garden one sparkling April morning, to find my diminutive daughter pushing one arm up as far as it would go towards the sky. In her outstretched hand was a single bluebell, newly picked from the border beside the lawn. As she offered her flower to the shining early sun, she identified it with loud ecstasy.

"DAFFODIL!!" she shouted, "DAFFODI-I-IL!!"

I am as tediously obsessed with accuracy as most parents. I corrected her gently.

"No darling," I said. "It's a bluebell."

Not one inch did she reduce the length of her stretching arm, not one decibel did she lower her volume: "BLUEBELL!" she shouted, "BLUEBE-E-ELL!"

Katy's joy was in being part of the morning and having a beautiful flower, not in anything so trivial as being right. She accepted my pedantic correction, but it didn't change anything important.

If only those of us who are Christians wer more like Katy in the garden, less concerned with how right we are in our individual emphases and dogmas than with the joy of being one with Jesus.

"YOU HAVE TO SPEAK IN TONGUES TO BE A CHRISTIAN!" one of us might shout ecstatically.

"No, you don't," God might correct us gently.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK IN TONGUES TO BE A CHRISTIAN!" we would shout with undiminished joy."

I'm really boring.

Spent two hours this afternoon discussing the biblical hermeneutic behind women preachers and I'm about to go crash Youth Group just because I can.

I didn't have a lottery ticket.

And it is well with my soul.

Unordered thoughts on women's ministry.

I picked up the following book from our church library a couple of months ago- Women in the Church’s Ministry: A test-case for biblical hermeneutics by R.T. France. Never heard of France but apparently he is Principal of Wycliffe Hall, Oxford.

The book combines a series of lectures given by France that are primarily concerned with the debate amongst Evangelicals on the ordination of women and provides an exegesis and hermeneutic of 1 Corinthians 14:34-15 and 1 Timothy 2:8-15 that is in favour of female authority, particularly preaching, in the church.

The first reading slightly swayed me, but the second time round just confused me. I’m not convinced that women should be allowed to preach just yet, but I am convinced that hermeneutics certainly is a human and inexact science.

Why is it that, in 1 Timothy for example, we will hold so firmly to the command that women shall not teach, yet the other instructions i.e. men lifting hands up in prayer and women refraining from braiding their hair or wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes, do not seem so relevant to us? Also, how does this command square with 1 Corinthians 11:5 – And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonours her head- it is just as though her head were shaved. Two things here:
1) Why isn’t the command to worship with our heads covered enforced?
2) This passage refers to women prophesying and does not condemn it. Is prophesying not a public act, exercised over a mixed congregation? Does it not involve teaching?

The exegesis of 1 Timothy further stresses the importance of recognising the situation of the church in Ephesus at the time of writing and that it was a unique one. Perhaps the command not to teach applies only to them. Here’s a quote from Gordon Fee: “It is hard to deny that this text prohibits women teaching men in the Ephesian church; but it is the unique text in the New Testament, and as we have seen, its reason for being is not to correct the rest of the New Testament, but to correct a very ad hoc problem in Ephesus.” Interesting.

France makes another interesting argument: Evangelicals have been consistently changing their minds and re-evaluating their biblical principles. Examples cited include the abolition of the slave trade (never condemned in the Bible yet an 18th century Christian might have been able to argue that the emancipation of slaves was a product of the secular liberal agenda which it was the duty of all faithful Christians to resist in the name of the biblical worldview), to the acceptance by the Jewish church that Gentiles have indeed been offered the gift of salvation, which at the time would have seemed an extremely liberal conclusion to arrive at and which might have been seen to fly in the face of Scripture. The point of this illustration: "...in the ongoing work of God it is sometimes permissible, indeed necessary, for his people to change their minds. What this example illustrates is also that when such a change of mind takes place, it is not necessarily a matter of abandoning the authoritative teaching of the bible in favour of a secular agenda, but more likely a matter of discovering that there is more in the Bible than we had realised, that those strands of biblical teaching and practice on which we have been accustomed to rely in relation to a given issue may not be the only aspects of biblical revelation which are relevant to it. We may be faced, as the Jerusalem Christians were faced, with the uncomfortable task of deciding which of apparently competing streams of biblical thought should take precedence in the new situation in which we find ourselves."

And here my conservatism shines. Seriously? If we took that approach, where would we draw the line? Anything could become permissible by that reasoning. I said the argument was interesting, not that it was good.

I do have one more thought, an example that relates to me. Our minister does not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over men in our church. But I think I may be able to come up with one example: my role as a member of our Parish Council. The Parish Council is an authoritative body, it makes executive decisions concerning all members of the Parish. Do I not, therefore, exercise authority over the men of our congregation? I really don’t see how you could explain away that one, Pete. Yes, I am a member of this council under your authority but if we follow the ‘plain meaning’ of 1 Timothy, my role contravenes your biblical position. Yet if you allow that to stand, how then can you disallow a woman to preach under your authority? What is the difference?

Looking forward to discussing this :p

I'm going to blog a lot this week.

I seem to have a complex about being comfortable.

If life is easy, something is wrong. If I don't feel like I'm making a sacrifice, if I don't feel isolated from the world somehow, if the thought of poverty doesn't make me feel a strong sense of injustice then I've got to be missing the point. Nobody likes being thought of as different or just plain weird but everytime I feel misunderstood or persecuted (using the term very loosely), it seems that I'm on the right track.

Jesus said that if anyone should come after me, he must deny himself and take his cross up daily and follow me (Luke 9:23). I don't want to create a living hell for myself but if I ever find myself simply blending into the world... I shudder to think what I might have let go of in the process.

This life wasn't meant to be easy. But it's not meant to last either. Bring it on.

Don't accept the unacceptable.

I've just read an article in the Sunday Telegraph about young Indian children who are forced into devastating manual labour in remote limestone quarries. At these quarries, children as young as 6 are mining the 'trendy' Kota limestone which has been used to pave the entire King St Wharf entertainment precinct in Sydney.

The work is backbreaking, the heat is scorching and the payment is 50 Indian rupees per day, or $1.20AUD for an eleven hour day. Despite the fact that the caste system is officially outlawed in India, all of those who work in the mines are still observed as 'untouchables', or Dalits, which literally means crushed or broken to pieces. The children who work at these mines do not have a choice because they are supporting their families and helping to pay off debts incurred by their parents.

It's very hard work - sometimes I hurt my fingers with the tools. I wish I went to a school, but instead I am here.

We travelled from across India for this work. To you this might seem cruel. But when there is no work you will see the worst forms of cruelty.

I have never heard of Australia. When they pavers leave here, I don't know where they go.

It's hard, painful work. I'll go back to school later. But for now, I help my family by working here. I don't like it, but there is no choice.

I'm about to say something that may be controversial and harsh but honestly, when have I ever cared?

Suppose that photographs of young Indian, African and Asian children were different. Imagine that typical (how it pains me that I can even refer to poverty as 'typical') landscape of poverty - we've seen it so many times. Dirty. Dusty. Dilapidated. Skeletal. Imagine those children, the ones whose eyes silently cry out to us, pleading for help, for the recognition that their lives are worth something. Then imagine this: that the children you are seeing have porcelain skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. Might society then see them as people? Might we then be moved to act? How does that image make you feel? Does it suddenly make a difference?

I'm trying to unclench my fists. Oh Lord, let me be a voice for those who have none.

For Sue.

This isn't very well thought out but I had a conversation tonight that included the topic of Fairtrade and I feel like sharing.

Basically, here are two reasons to support Fairtrade from Sian, our night church minister's wife:

1. Eating lots and lots of cheap chocolate is bad for you.
2. Stewardship! I really like this. Sian says that we are a society that just consumes and consumes and we rarely, if ever, consider where our products come from or the circumstances in which they were made. Supporting Fairtrade encourages us to think deeper about where our products come from and the effect that the production process has on the environment. It may only be a small step, but it's a start.

Also, there are some Fairtrade companies that really are passionate about giving farmers/producers a fair price such as Tribes and Nations, headed up by the Murrays, or the lovely South African lady at the Open Hand cafe in India who stocks naught but Fairtrade goods. I would rather buy products from them any day.

And also, the trickle down effect is rubbish. I remember vaguely case studies from Development Studies that examined the idea that all levels of society would benefit if the economy was given over to an entirely free market. Doesn't work. Economics takes no notice of people but simply operates on the principle of supply/demand. If you're poor, you're screwed and even more so in a free market because there are absolutely no guarantees that you will get a thing. So regulation might upset the market and throw things off balance, as you were explaining Sue, but I believe it's necessary. Because unfortunately, greedy and sinful human beings screwed up first and there needs to be intervention to provide for those who haven't a hope of providing for themselves.

So yeah, there's my rant based on minimal reading and discussion. Still supporting Fairtrade, but welcome to opposing views, as always.

Stating the obvious.

It's really cold.

I'm wondering if, closer to MYC, I should:

a) Take longer, hotter showers because I will be so deprived of them

or

b) Take shorter, progressively cooler showers in order to prepare myself

And another thing, I'm going to do my best not to have the typical name/faculty/year conversation with every person I meet.

I figure if I ask something interesting like:

a) If you had a time machine and could go anywhere, where would you go?

or

b) What colour is your toothbrush?

I'll have a much better chance of remembering people. Well I'm sure they'll remember me, at the very least.

Oh and FYI, I actually do intend to still inquire after a name.

MYC is somewhat less exciting when you approach it in the knowledge that you won't be back for the following semester. Only slightly less! I still heart MYC very much. But, well, come on. I won't exactly be in line for a hoodie. Unless mission is extended to whatever random company I end up working for...

*tear*

(As in crying, not ripping. Felt I needed to clarify)

I sound like Obama with all this talk of change.

Thank goodness we are on a break because I'm struggling to put any effort into anything that isn't ministry.

On Monday night over 50 people gathered at our little church in Bossley Park and every single person was a young ministry leader from the South-West of Sydney. I still can't quite believe it happened. Only God could have pulled us all together and he certainly pulled me through it because I was having kittens over every little detail. For years I have heard from Peter Lin that something needs to change in the South-West, that we need to start smashing the idea that ministry cannot survive here, that we are not strategic enough. Not to mention the fact that nobody wants to live here if they can help it, Christians included.

WELL SCREW THAT.

Hello? God is sovereign. He is in control. He is watching over His people. So why shy away from an area, as though it could be impossible for God to use you and see His saving work done? How could those before me have had so little faith? Enough. God is moving, wherever you are in Sydney, but I'm going to say that the most exciting place to be in right now is the South-West.

Finally people are starting to share this vision and I thank God for Pete. He convicted every person in the room, made the needs of the South-West more real than ever before and we're getting a response. I am full of anticipation but am laying it all at His feet. If God chooses to use this movement, He will. If this is not the means then something else will reveal itself.

No matter what, I am desperate to see God glorified here, to make the most of the opportunities he has placed before us and they are boundless. If this one generation stuck it out so much could happen, so much could change.

Who are you calling unstrategic?

It was easier to recall in a poem.

I can’t remember.
Not as well as I’d like to.
How to hold on to those moments?
The ones that left me determined to change
but are fading.
So easily.

He followed me
for the longest time.
“Henna, henna. Will you buy?”
He wasn’t the first.
I made the mistake
of acknowledging his presence.
He guided us
I questioned him.
School. Family. Struggle.
100 rupees –
A mere band-aid.

I could turn my back
on a beggar.
It became necessary.
But he haunts me
How could I have denied Him?
He barely spoke. Hand outstretched.
My memory tells me
I looked right past.
I looked again
He was appealing to his own.
Immediate regret, hesitation.
Decision reversed.
I looked again
He was gone.

14 days
She was a permanent fixture.
Her home
outside our home.
Everything she had
in a little silver bowl.
Winter had claimed Varanasi
The comfort of a blanket
seemed best.
But –
The night took it.


Here I am:
Comfortable.

Encouraged to discouraged in about 60 seconds.

The sign was on the money but the pamphlets being handed out warned against a recent piece of technology called the VeriChip which could possibly be the "mark of the Beast" and insinuated that Obama may turn out to be the Antichrist: "He will be made known when he makes a seven year peace agreement with Israel and establishes peace", among other things. It started out comparable to Two Ways to Live but just went downhill with the literal explanation of Revelation.

The man who handed me the pamphlet looked so determined. I could see that he knew how important the saving message of Jesus was, indeed he'd been standing on a footpath in Paddington all day trying to reach people with it. Mum and I told him we were already Christians and he was genuinely pleased to hear it. But did he really believe all of what this pamphlet was telling him? So much of God's Word was tainted, close to the truth yet so far from it.

Close to the truth isn't good enough. If I learnt anything from Phillip Jensen's talks on Spiritual Warfare last Monday, it's that the best lies are those that sound most like the truth. My heart just breaks for that man. If he truly trusts in Jesus then I suppose it's no big deal if he boycotts VeriChip, but he has such poor teaching! Argh! Lies!

Prophecy in the news, people!

Sorry for the excessive exclamations.

Oh and if you wanted anymore proof that you need to take anything Joyce Myer says with about a ton of salt, her website features on the back of this pamphlet in conjunction with Benny Hinn's. I hear her name around sometimes, even amongst good Sydney Anglicans, but I haven't openly slammed her to anyone (who isn't in my bible study). I haven't read any of her books or heard any of her talks but I'm thinking this confirms her as dodgy in my books.

Reality check.

Firstly, cheers for smashing me over my last post.

Secondly, every Christian female (although indeed probably the general female population at large), should read this article. It is by Beth Spraul from Capitol Hill Baptist Church and is titled You've Got Lies: Chick Flicks and the World's Approach to Men and Marriage. It addresses the seemingly innocent but actually quite damaging influence that chick-flicks and chick-lit have over women's expectations of love. That is, they're ridiculously unrealistic.

I’d like to suggest that culture attacks women similarly — it is just a bit more subtle. The lies told to women are introduced at the level of women’s emotions (less harmful, right?), in how they dream about men, and in what they long for relationally. Like pornography, chick-flicks take a good gift from God (romance, relational intimacy) that women are created to desire, and distort it by presenting as “normal” an unbiblical and unrealistic picture of men, love and marriage. And just like men who buy into the lies of pornography, women who believe that their husbands and marriages should always be like what they see on the screen will be sinfully dissatisfied with God’s good gift to them of a “normal” husband and marriage.

Obviously, the analogy is not perfect. Unlike pornography, it is possible to engage in watching "chick flicks" and have it be a sin-free activity. With pornography, the very act of viewing it is always harmful and always a sin. However, before you assume you are able to watch chick-flicks and read romance novels without harmful effects to your expectations for men and marriage, consider the following lies often propogated by these movies, and think about them in comparison to what Scripture teaches.

You mean men don't think of romance and intimacy the way we do? Marrying the right guy won't see me live happily ever after? Chemistry isn't that important and my intuition isn't always right? Far out man this was a good read but it certainly wasn't any fun.

Poor men. Between Mr. Darcy and Edward Cullen, the real guy has got no hope. I will do my best to bring my own lofty expectations back down to earth and in line with Scripture...

A quiet and gentle spirit.

What does this look like? How do I pursue it? It seems I'm not the only one who is experiencing difficulty in trying to figure out how to be assertive on the one hand, yet submissive and gentle on the other.

Sometimes I think that I need to just sit in a corner and shut up. That I should silently concentrate on hiding the Word in my heart, looking up only to smile sweetly from time to time. Ok meditating on God's Word is a constant, but anybody who truly knows me would never describe me as quiet and I'm not sure whether gentle is the first thing that would pop into their head either. I'm too driven, too quick to assume leadership, too ready to offer an opinion.

Perhaps this will help. John Piper's talk on the Ultimate Meaning of Womanhood warns us not to settle for wimpy theology leading to wimpy women.

It is not wimpy to say that God created the universe and governs all things to magnify his own grace in the death of his Son for the salvation of his bride... The ultimate meaning of true womanhood is this: It is a distinctive calling of God to display the glory of his Son in ways that would not be displayed if there were no womanhood.

Therefore, sitting quietly in a corner sounds like a terrible waste. Piper gives examples of assertive women and makes clear that the opposite of wimpy is not a brash, pushy, loud, controlling, sassy, uppity, arrogant Amazon. Oh-kay.

But still nothing of what gentleness looks like practically. Do you know what I think of when I think of gentleness? I think of Snow White singing to little birds perched on her finger and of Kleenex tissues. Women today are not keen on gentleness. It's all about empowerment, independence, flaunting sexuality. Gentleness seems on a par with weakness.

It's not as though gentleness and assertiveness are mutually exclusive. Just because a woman is confident in the promises of God and passionate about them, does not make her loud and pushy. It follows that a woman who is trusting in God and living by his Word, will fully understand her role as a woman and exercise it willingly. That's reassuring.

But why is the idea of gentleness so lost on me?

I am.

Slightly overwhelmed. This is not exactly what I was planning. Far too many people. But there's no room for doubt. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Adamant. Ministry is my boyfriend. He is quite the jealous type. Singleness is a flipping gift. Use it. Yes, I just said that.

Liberated. Have you ever really thought about the power of decision making? Make a decision. Stick to it. Simple as that.

Full of hot air. But hoping that I will end up writing that Tharunka article in the next month. Inspiration will come.

Imagining. What will heaven be like? When I am surrounded by God's people and my heart is full of love and thankfulness fit to burst - when I am most happy, most aware, most joyful - I think I may have some insight into what I might be in for. Yet the happiness I experience here is only a shadow. It cools. It fades. What will it be like, standing in the presence of God, to have that void filled wholly, finally, forever? I can only imagine.

Uncertain. The next 6 months are looming. They will not be easy but they will be for His glory.

Trusting. Like never before.

Painful truth.

“I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a shit. What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.”
- Tony Campolo

Purposeful existence.

Can the atheist claim to live out a purposeful existence? Is it possible to deny God, concede that the sum total of life is 'triviality for a moment and then nothing' (Bertrand Russell) and then attempt to find meaning? It seems like a hopeless contradiction that leads one right back to God. But...

Who am I to say that the atheist cannot find meaning in the life they live right now? They can laugh and love and appreciate beauty. It's all there before them and if they believe life is fleeting and this is all there is then, hell, better make the most of it. Just because the universe will cool and die eventually does not mean that this moment cannot be lived for all it's worth. What can I say in response?

Thankyou, William Lane Craig, for explaining to me the difference between a subjective and objective purpose for existence. It's an answer I've been after for a little while now.



Oh, Christopher Hitchens...

Love as it really is.

I'm preparing to do a lesson on love for my year 6/7/8 group otherwise known as SUP (six up) and I think it's going to rock their world, just quietly. Well I'm going to have fun turning their preconceived ideas on love completely upside down. I'm pretty sure that as soon as I mention the word love, the boys are going to squirm in their seats and just generally be sillier than usual. The reason? Love is for girls! It's mushy. Love? Ew!

Once again, the world has completely screwed up one of God's gifts and managed to make love selfish. I say this because it is not common for someone to love their enemy, or for it to even enter their head that they should. Love is reserved for someone who has earned it, only those you care about, as one of my girls at our lunchtime group said today. If love was dependent on how deserving the subject was... Actually I'm struggling to finish that sentence because there'd be no hope for any of us if that was the case. God loves us just because. Yet that love is so deep that he gave up his only son.

This is really blowing my mind. To love, really love, takes enormous strength. The world seems to associate love with weakness and vulnerability. To some extent that may be true, but real love simply means putting others before yourself. It requires no particular 'fuzzy' feeling, you might not even like it. But if we only loved those who loved us, how could the Christian be distinct? About a million bible verses are hitting me right now but I'm just trying to explain it all in my own words. Jesus hung on a cross, totally humiliated and hated. But he let it happen. He willingly layed down his life for his sheep and in all his amazing glory, took it back up again. His death was the ultimate example of love, love as it really is, the model that we should be following and striving for. Not the cop-out presented in chick flicks. Perhaps this is overkill but I do think that the Hollywood perception of love is quite damaging. Not only are the expectations completely unrealistic, but if all you're striving for is looks, wealth and charm you will not end up happy. It's such a pale imitation of what the heart really longs for. Because of course what the heart is really longing for is reconciliation with God. So then, why sell yourself short?

Gosh I ramble.

Found this old blog... I like it because I remember how strongly I felt. I really struggle to stick to one topic, though. I don't really know how I went from the first paragraph to the next, it doesn't seem like they're connected in anyway, but whatever.

-----------------------------------------------------------

A little part of me dies everytime I hear this song by the Pussycat Dolls called "When I Grow Up". I cannot even begin to express how much it disappoints and angers me. It's not just a song, it seems to embody, utterly and totally, everything that the masses of society want to achieve. What particularly worries me is that this song is almost directed at youth. I work at a bowling alley that regularly hosts kids parties and we happily take song requests. Well, at least superficially I graciously accept their requests but my heart sinks when 7 year old girls want to sing about kissing other girls and growing up to be narcissistic exhibitionists. This topic is nothing new, quite frequently there are newspaper articles and stories addressing the sexualisation of youth, but I can't help but add my two cents. Surely there has to be more to life than this? If you find that you need a certain pair of shoes or the right name on your handbag to feel validated then I can say, without being nasty or condescending, that I feel sorry for you.

My faith has matured incredibly over the past few months and I'm learning to let go of the vanities and aspirations that do me no favours. Just recently I read the biography of Gladys Aylward, a female missionary who left for China in the 1930s with less than $10 in her pocket but with complete trust in God. Her life was quite difficult at first; she didn't know the language or the culture but God sent amazing people her way and she soon became one of the most influential and respected women in her region. She cared for up to 100 children at a time, visited and converted even the most hardened of criminals within harsh prisons and even had the honour of speaking with monks in a Chinese lamasery. I have read a few biographies over the past few months about missionaries but Gladys' story challenged me most of all. It humbled me to the point of shame - what the hell am I worrying about material things for when the fact that I even so much as live in this country means that I am privy to luxury. It made me realise just how selfish this society is and how easy it is to be corrupted by it. Despite the dangers that Gladys faced, I envy her because she was able to trust God with absolutely everything. Amidst all this materialism and ambition its easy to make excuses and trust only within yourself. I felt I would have packed up and left for India the next day if I could have, spending the rest of my life doing nothing but telling other people about how my relationship with God fulfils me unlike anything else. Then I had to stop and think about it. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like India was perhaps an easy way out. An escape. Certainly I'd do my best to spread the message but truly, I think the need for missionaries is greater in the developed world. Nobody here wants to be told that they're a sinner, that they should submit to someone greater than them and that actually, they're not in control. India embraces all things spiritual so even if I spoke to someone who had different beliefs at least they're open to the idea of finding God. But here... I'm forever worried about the reactions of my friends to my faith and the extent of its influence over my life. The fact that it is my life. But that's another worry I'm learning to overcome. I know the majority of the world will think I'm crazy but I know what I believe in, I know the unique truth of it and I'm going to spend the rest of my life sharing it with anyone who will listen.

Well then.

Just handed in my application for program leave.

Currently job searching.

Not really sure how I feel about it.

The fourth love.

C.S Lewis

The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell...

We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.

It's just easier said than done, is all.

Want to learn some Hindi?

These are some bhajans (worship songs) we sang in Varanasi on Christmas day. I've been singing them this morning but it's not quite the same. I wish I'd been able to record Leaf's voice...

Bhaj Pawanatam

Bhaja pa-wana-tama Yeshu naam
Worship the most holy name of Jesus

Yeshu naam jaya Yeshu naam
Jesus' name, victory to Jesus' name

Yeshu naam mangala naam
Jesus' name, auspicious name

Yeshu naam pa-wana naam
Jesus name, holy name

Yeshu naam meeta naam
Jesus' name, sweet name

Yeshu naam pyaara naam
Jesus' name, beloved/precious name

----------------------------------------

Sachidananda Eh Namo Namah

Sachidananda Eh Namo Namah
Being, Intelligence, Bliss, I bow to you

He Guru Yeshu namo namah
O teacher Jesus, I bow to you

He Prabhu Yeshu namo namah
O Lord Jesus, I bow to you

He Jeewan Jyoti namo namah
O Life Light, I bow to you

He Jeewan Roti namo namah
O Life Bread, I bow to you

He Yeshu Deva namo namah
O Jesus God, I bow to you

He Muktidata namo namah
O Salvation Giver, I bow to you

He Premidata namo namah
O Loving Giver, I bow to you

Right place, right time.

Connect09 is a brilliant initiative. Freddo's adaptation Love This Broken City is even better. I can't believe that it has taken us so long to make a decisive push to get out into the community. So many new ministries have started up this year and it has made Barneys in Bossley Park a really exciting place to be. From ESL classes, to Music Time for mums and bubs, market stalls, a mission week, scripture seminars, consistent evangelistic events, lunchtime groups at local high schools... God has been amazing. Our congregation has grown and is full of people who are gifted and are looking for new ways to use those gifts to glorify God. Ministry in the South West is not doomed to failure. There is so much potential here - if only others could see it.

And now another ministry initiative, possibly? A network of young leaders who are committed to ministry in our region and will meet together to pray, share, learn and encourage? It's exactly what we need and my brain is positively exploding with ideas...!

In the next ten years or so, God is going to make his name well and truly known. Awesome things are going to happen. I can just feel it.

A Martyr's Grace

Lord, I give up my own purposes and plans, all my own desires and hopes and ambitions and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee, to be Thine forever. I hand over to Thy keeping all of my friendships; all the people whom I love are to take a second place in my heart. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Work out Thy whole will in my life, at any cost, now and forever. To me to live is Christ. Amen.

Elizabeth Alden Stam wrote those words when she was 19. At the age of 28 she was martyred for her service to the Lord in Miaosheo, China in 1934.

I'm 19. Can I make the same pledge that Betty did and really mean it? I want faith like that more than anything.

Therefore I've been challenged to think about how much of myself I'm really giving to God. Can I say that he has all of me, without compromise? What, or who, do I hold onto instead of first finding fulfilment in him?

I also really like this poem by another China missionary named E. H. Hamilton. He wrote it to commemorate the martyrdom of one of his colleagues:

Afraid? Of What?
To feel the spirit's glad release?
To pass from pain to perfect peace,
The strife and strain of life to cease?
Afraid - of that?

Afraid? Of What?
Afraid to see the Savior's face,
To hear His welcome, and to trace
The glory gleam from wounds of grace?
Afraid - of that?

Afraid? Of What?
A flash, a crash, a pierced heart;
Darkness, light, O Heaven's art!
A wound of His a counterpart!
Afraid - of that?

Afraid? Of What?
To do by death what life could not -
Baptise with blood a stony plot,
Till souls shall blossom from the spot?
Afraid - of that?

Brace yourself.

At the risk of furthering Clare Werbeloff's so-called fame by blogging about it here, I have to say, I am disgusted by the situation.

Funnily enough, it's not actually her I have a problem with and she will go back to being a nobody fairly soon so I hope she thoroughly enjoys her five minutes in the spotlight.

My gripe is this: what kind of society decides that this deserves so much attention? Why are people YouTubing this, Twittering this, Facebooking this, for goodness sake I'm Blogspotting this. Why does Clare have fan pages? Why are people making t-shirts bearing the slogan 'chk chk Boom'? Is there nothing and no one else for us to be looking up to? Why is this important? Why did she have a news story on A Current Affair? (Oh, how I despise that television show) Do her nonsensical and potentially offensive comments actually rate as newsworthy?

Apparently, YES.

Why? Why? Why? What happened to us???

And don't even get me started on this rubbish with the virtual acceptance of football players and their sex scandals. 'Support Matthew Johns'. Please. So he had the guts to come forward and admit his part in a shameful act - this does not make him a hero relative to his mates. Whether it was consensual or not - something needs to be done to address the consistent shortcomings (and thats putting it nicely) of sports stars who have a lot of influence over society.

I sometimes think I was born in the wrong era. No, that's not it. It's that I am longing, longing for a new creation. So very far away from all of this.

Happiness.

Comes in the form of a brand new, hard cover NIV.

Yup.

Election.

"I told you, and you do not believe. The works that I do in my Father's name they bear witness to me; but you do not believe, because you do not belong to my sheep."
John 10:25-26

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me; and I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish, and no one shall snatch them out of my hand. My father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand."
John 10:27-29

Belonging to the sheep, in this text, is not dependent on believing. It's the other way around. Believing is dependent on being a sheep. Belonging to the sheep enables a person to believe. (John Piper, The Pleasures of God, Ch.5: The Pleasure of God in Election)

Two things strike me about this.

Firstly, assurance. If God has truly elected me, if I am one of his sheep, then nothing can come between us. I am his and he is mine.

This passage also seems relevant to a discussion we had during our church weekend away (Tara, do you remember? When I read this, I was thinking of a question you might have raised). And I've just remembered what we were discussing:

"It is impossible for those who have been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace."
Hebrew 6:4-6

And now I have another question. Even if a person did experience all of these things, would it mean that they could fall away because they're not one of God's chosen sheep?

Because here's my second thought. Where does this leave free will? I can decide right now to turn my back on Jesus (oh gosh what a chilling thought). Or can I? If I have already been chosen, what say do I have in this? The one who was once on fire for God falls away and the one who swore that Christians were idiots falls to their knees in repentance - it's all part of God's plan. He has an elect. And when you elect, you have a choice. You can take this person or the other. None of us deserve it. And so do I really have assurance? I am living for God. I would die for his name. I have never written or typed or spoken those words because I didn't know if I could but right now, as I am, I would die for my faith. But have I been chosen? Is it possible that I've just tasted God's goodness and one day will be so overcome by logic that I turn my back on the one who died for me? And all because - God hasn't actually chosen me?

I'm concerned because yes, I know that Jesus died for me. I know that he rose again. I believe that. But if I am not one of God's elect, what does that even matter? How do I know for sure that I am one of his sheep?

Please, please don't think that whenever I question my faith I'm going through some terrible spiritual battle and will throw it all away in the next five seconds. I ask questions because I expect there to be answers, good ones, and if other Christians I know and trust tell me that at the end of the day we need to trust God, then I am quite happy to do that. I think it's better to ask the questions and find answers instead of letting it all accumulate until you think you've found enough holes to abandon Christianity altogether.

I really don't like the flow of this blog but I can't be bothered to fix it up.

I'm not a potato.

Phew. Thanks Facebook quiz!

I'm pretty sure I have the lamest Friday nights of anybody I know. They usually consist of uni catch-up because weekends go in a flash. At the moment I'm trying to make a dent in my (late) major English essay on Beloved. That book is disturbing.

So there seems to be a direct correlation between increased uni work and a) a higher frequency of blog posting and b) the discovery of new music to listen to. I blog when I don't want to work anymore, which is ironic considering you'd think I'd want to get away from this stupid laptop, and I listen to music while I research because it's a lot more bearable that way.

Favourite music this week:

- Bon Iver
- Phoenix
- Jose Gonzalez
- Scott Matthews
- Does It Offend You, Yeah?
- Er, Vanessa Hudgens

What? I don't have a complex about only listening to super cool indie.

Coffee and Milo is awesome.

I've just realised how awake I suddenly am. I haven't felt the effects of caffeine so strongly in a while. Another cup! Another cup!

Super excited about EQUIP tomorrow. I've spoken to Isobel about it every Wednesday night for the past couple of months so I'm really looking forward to it. I got a sneak peek of the EQUIP booklet and saw the section about fundraising for India - I'm in the photo of the ashram on Christmas Day! Miss that place like crazy. I'm also keen for the elective on Depression by Claire Smith. I've heard that she's heavy on the theology and that she'll really make her audience work. I've also been thinking a lot more about depression lately, and have been surprised at just how common it is. Also, I've been told that those who go into full-time ministry are quite susceptible to it, so thought it would be good to start learning more.

And of course we'll be going through the book of Esther! I've never studied it before so should be great.

Back to it.

Too profound for building blocks?

I sometimes joke that ministers must categorise their life moments and view every event as a potential illustration.

But -

Lately I've found myself doing this unconsciously.

Emily has lots of wooden blocks to play with. Well, she just puts them in her mouth because apparently it's pleasant to have things to bite when one is teething. I however, enjoy building little towers.

I never seem to get far, though. A tower can be only three blocks high before Emily reaches across, utterly determined to knock it over.

I try to build out of arm's length. This time I'm using the smaller blocks and I'm quite happy with this perfectly symmetrical and colour co-ordinated construction. I'm so overprotective that I put my arms in front to stop her from destroying it, because she inevitably crawls over to ensure that it won't stand for much longer. Her little arms stretch out and her hand tries to get past me, every which way.

I've built this, I think. I'm happy with it. I think it's quite good. But Emily - she won't rest until she's messed it up completely. It doesn't matter that I've made it, that she might be hurting me by turning my creation upside down. This is what she wants.

Sound like somebody else you know?

Note: I love Emily. I know they're just blocks.

Clyde Kilby's Resolutions.

Quoted in John Piper's The Pleasures of God:

1. At least once every day I shall look steadily up at the sky and remember that I, a consciousness with a conscience, am on a planet traveling in space with wonderfully mysterious things above and about me.

2. Instead of the accustomed idea of a mindless and endless evolutionary change to which we can neither add nor subtract, I shall suppose the universe guided by an Intelligence which, as Aristotle said of Greek drama, requires a beginning, a middle, and an end. I think this will save me from the cynicism expressed by Bertrand Russell before his death, when he said: "There is darkness without, and when I die there will be darkness within. There is no splendour, no vastness anywhere, only triviality for a moment, and then nothing".

3. I shall not fall into the falsehood that this day, or any day, is merely another ambiguous and plodding twenty-four hours, but rather a unique event, filled, if I so wish, with worthy potentialities. I shall not be fool enough to suppose that trouble and pain are wholly evil parentheses in my existence but, just as likely, ladders to be climbed toward moral and spiritual manhood.

4. I shall not turn my life into a thin straight line which prefers abstractions to reality. I shall know what I am doing when I abstract, which of course I shall often have to do.

5. I shall not demean my own uniqueness by envy of others. I shall stop boring into myself to discover what psychological or social categories I might belong to. Mostly I shall simply forget about myself and do my work.

6. I shall open my eyes and ears. Once every day I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, or a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are, but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery of what Lewis calls their "divine, magical, terrifying, and ecstatic" existence.

7. I shall follow Darwin's advice and turn frequently to imaginative things such as good literature and good music, preferably, as Lewis suggests, an old book and timeless music.

8. I shall not allow the devilish onrush of this century to usurp all my energies but will instead, as Charles Williams suggested, "fulfill the moment as the moment." I shall try to live well just now because the only time that exists is now.

9. If for nothing more than the sake of a change of view, I shall assume my ancestry to be from the heavens rather than from the caves.

10. Even if I turn out to be wrong, I shall bet my life on the assumption that this world is not idiotic, neither run by an absentee landlord, but that today, this very day, some stroke is being added to the cosmic canvas that in due course I shall understand with joy as a stroke made by the Architect who calls himself Alpha and Omega.

11. I shall sometimes look back at the freshness of vision I had in childhood and try, at least for a little while, to be, in the words of Lewis Carroll, the "child of the pure unclouded brow, and dreaming eyes of wonder".

I know...

Pray, instead.

For:

- L & B & T: For the ashram, for the travellers, for a city seeped in spiritual darkness
- J: For the unreached people group he will be ministering to, for team mates to be raised up
- C: For guidance on how to use the media to minister to his mission field, for financial support
- K: That the women working on the income regeneration project she oversees will come to Christ
- U: That God would guard her heart and mind and strengthen her for the work that she does

They are on my heart. Prayer for them would be a far more valuable way to spend the next 3-5 minutes of your time. This is something I'm going to keep in mind the next time I am impatient about wanting to GO: I'll pray for those who by God's grace, already have.

Creeping up slowly.

I am so happy. No, again, happy isn't the right word. The right word is joyful. I have a constant and reassuring joy in my heart, the type that only a Christian has and only a fellow Christian can understand. Yes, I am joyful. But I'm also feeling isolated.

More and more it's becoming difficult to relate to those who are 'of the world' and not just 'in the world'. I can't share what's important to me, I can't explain the significance of a particular moment, I can't gush about how amazing God has been to me this week. I can't. Not to them. I have nothing to give that's of relevance to them and if I dare to explain something vaguely spiritual I have to prepare them with: "I know this will sound odd to you, but..."

My friends are now just people I hang out with. Let's see a movie. Fine. But does it go much deeper than that anymore? I'm not sure how long it will be before phone calls go from weekly, to monthly, to...

Make yourself interesting, they say. What's interesting to the world is partying and drinking and casual sex. Simple as that. My friends' recently tagged Facebook photos are of them at a different bar or club every weekend, and mine are of me at church picnics and on mission trips.

Non-Christian friends are in my life for a reason. They're probably the ones I need to be holding on to the most. But how? How?

I'd like to understand better.

In no particular order:

1. Evolution
2. Climate change modelling
3. The trinity
4. The Australian economy
5. Why reading the Sydney Morning Herald is such a trying exercise (because of the size of the pages, not because the articles are particularly challenging)
6. What I should do after uni and whether or not it will involve secular work or MTS and whether I should do MTS in the South West or at UNSW
7. Shakespeare's The Tragedy of Hamlet
8. Why I can't just move to India right now and be a missionary. Okay, I know why not, considering I was raised a conservative Sydney Anglican, but did Gladys Aylward have a degree from Moore? If someone like her came along these days, would we simply think her mad? Or what if Keith Green was born 20 years later and was starting up his ministry now? Would we be worried that he was far too 'experiential' for us? Will I ever get to see a revival like that? Perhaps the Passion movement is the closest thing we have and I remember being wary through the whole thing. Is it possible that Sydney Anglicans are too preoccupied with preaching sound doctrine? There. I said it.
9. Why I seem to have an invisible hand clamped over my mouth during my Philosophy tutorial
10. What to do if ministry hopes and relationship hopes clash. According to Peter, all that matters is whether or not I'm serving God wherever I am but let's see if that statement still stands should I have to leave South West Sydney (because he would've then wasted more than 10 years on me haha)
11. How people can watch Today Tonight and A Current Affair. My parents have had it on the past few nights during dinner and I've heard such hard-hitting stories as: which celebrities have grey hair.
12. Fairtrade, as always
13. Why Christians support Obama. I'd genuinely just like to know why.
14. How to go about understanding most of these things better without boring myself to death


Wisest is she who knows she does not know, said Socrates. That seems to me to be of little consolation. I think I prefer this paraphrasing: the more you know, the more you know you know absolutely nothing.

Emily.

Her head rests on my shoulder and her little fingers grip my sleeves. She might rub her eyes with those same fingers, and let out a sigh even though she has no real pressing concerns. She's completely dependent on me, I am the source of her warmth and her safety. I am almost a stranger yet she's perfectly quiet and is content to just let me continue to hold her. I rub her back, hoping to maintain the calm. But I think that she's the one who calms me.

Not poetry. Hold a baby in your arms and you will know.

About that.

My blogs are long. Probably kind of boring. Apologies.

And now for some words that may or may not come together to form a poem. I don't know what the prevailing meter is. I'm not sure it bothers me just now.

You'll have everything,
They said
Reach out and take it
Like only the young can

It almost made sense:
Take the path
Always taken
Or else be left behind

Suppose I now have a different hope,
A plan that is different from 'the plan'
I won't be climbing ladders or hitting glass ceilings
Or progressing for progress' sake

I see the incredulous expressions
Maybe it's closer to disappointment.
No. I will never have those things.
But it's not those things that I want.

This is the path I have chosen
I will take each step
Without stumbling, with certainty
I will never look back.

Progress.

Screw science and philosophical questions. Objections and doubts shrivel and die at the foot of the cross. I'd like to be able to engage in conversation concerning evolution and morality and argue for or against those things from a Christian perspective but the real answer to every question is Jesus.

I am completely, utterly and totally convinced of the death and resurrection of Jesus. Nothing has ever shaken my trust in this, the crux of Christianity. So long as this stands firmly, my conviction will remain.

That's all I really have to say about that.
___________________________________________________

On Fairtrade

Sue and I went along to the Fairtrade Fiesta in Paddington last night and managed to have a decent conversation with one of the founders of Tribes & Nations, a Fairtrade business. Sue recognised Mignonne Murray from a spot at CMS Summer School so not only were we able to find out more about Fairtrade, but we were able to approach it from a Christian perspective.

Mignonne explained the basics: Fairtrade is a movement which aims to provide third world producers with a fairer price for their goods. One way in which farmers are protected for example, is by the Fairtrade Minimum Price, which is basically a floor price that guarantees stability and security of income even in an economic downturn. Fairtrade not only seeks to benefit producers in developing countries, but also ensures that the process is environmentally sustainable.

Fairtrade goods are obviously more expensive than what we would normally buy. My question then: is Fairtrade, in a sense, a luxury for those who can afford it? Mignonne countered this by explaining that once demand goes up, prices come down and mentioned the example of Copenhagen as a city that is committed to ethical consumerism, demonstrated by its application to become a Fairtrade city. Apparently 270 Fairtrade cities exist worldwide. Nice.

Mignonne's vision is for Fairtrade to be the norm in about 60 years or so. She sees the next generation recognising that action needs to be taken to address the outrageous disparity in wealth between the first and third worlds and Fairtrade will be a key instrument. I share her passion for seeing it come to pass, but for Fairtrade to prevail, it essentially means that consumers will have to be other-person centred in making their purchases which sounds absurd because it seems so unlikely. Is there a happy medium between capitalism and communism? See, I think that people should be free to make their own wealth, but that there shouldn't be people in dire need. Do I want to have my cake and eat it, too?

No, people should just stop being jerks. Yes, that includes me.

The realisation that there are Fairtrade cities the world over has given me hope. Surely if we continue to demand Fairtrade basics such as coffee and chocolate here in Australia, one city might be willing to go certified Fairtrade? One thing I am definitely sure of now though, I think it is better to support Fairtrade, than to boycott.

I asked Mignonne what we could be praying for and she was adamant: that the church would have a heart for the poor and do something about it. She seemed almost disillusioned and of the opinion that the church today just doesn't seem to care very much. I'm still thinking about this. What should the local church be doing to help alleviate poverty? Should local churches be stepping up to assist developing nations? What about Christian organisations such as World Vision? Surely they are an example of Christian love and service to the poor?

Yet more to ponder.

Maybe I should stop reading rubbish texts?

I find apologetics so draining sometimes. Very interesting, but sometimes it just messes with my head. Although, going from Lee Strobel to Richard Dawkins will never do anybody any favours. I'm reading through exaggerated opinions and emotional beliefs, I practically have to claw my way through the bias. Oh objectivity, wherefore art thou?

Here's my dilemma: everything that I think I know about science or evolution, I know from reading Christian apologists. Today this struck me as... deficient. It seems deficient in that, perhaps I should be doing my own research into science and evolution to decide whether or not the conclusions of the apologist are sound. I suppose I've tried to counter Christian literature with atheist texts to give myself the impression that I'm open to objections and hearing both sides of the argument but this isn't working out quite so well. Yet the alternative would be... reading science journals, or The Origin of Species for myself, or something else incredibly boring and impossible to understand. So what's the answer?

I'm wary of confining myself exclusively to Christian texts because it seems that, anyone and everyone can keep feeding off the same information to tell them what they want to believe. I often think that atheists might understand a heck of a lot more if they didn't just read the Bible but actually studied it. I suppose they might think I'd understand a heck of a lot more if I didn't just take William Lane Craig's word for it and actually sought after some evidence for evolution. After all, who am I to dismiss it? What do I know about evolution? It seems to me that if I ever got into a discussion on the topic with someone who actually knew anything about it and I backed up my claims with "er, I read in this apologetic book that..." I'd be dismissed pretty quickly and thought of as close-minded. Not that this happens to me very often. Or that anybody I've ever spoken to seems to have been an expert on evolution, but regardless. I guess I'd like to research the topic, as it is, without Christian or atheist presuppositions. Er, evolution for dummies, anyone?

I'm in a skeptical mood at the moment. Goodness. Dawkins has messed with my head. I'm torn between knowing that God transcends the demand for extreme rationality and then being perplexed that he does. I guess it's my experience that tells me that Dawkins has it so very wrong. God changes people in a way that nothing or no one else can. His Word makes perfect sense, all of it. It surprises me how easily I seem to be able to question, but this is not nearly surprising as the fact that it doesn't take much for me to go running back. I guess sometimes you just have to accept that the truth will be offensive and a stumbling block to others. I know in my heart of hearts that Jesus is the ultimate truth. But every now and then an intellectual barrier pops its head up and needs to be dealt with. I already know what the standard response is: prayer, the Bible. I don't want to worry excessively about scientific evidence, but I want to investigate for myself. Oh, my head.

Someone please oblige with an encouraging comment or useful suggestion to a blog that sounds somewhat nonsensical but which is a truthful representation of my mixed up thoughts. Ta.